Thursday, November 21, 2013

The knife is mine, and I won't use it yet.

It was a draining evening. 

I'm studying now for loads of things. My philosophy quiz, first and foremost. My philosophy outline is next (my last philosophy paper!), and if I'm still awake and ambitious, I may knock out my synthesis paper. 

I'm taking a break from studying and reading Bukowski, because sometimes I just need to do that. I forget so many of his poems, and so many of the ones I forget are just brilliant. Raw With Love is one of my forgotten favorites. 

Lines like these re absolutely golden:

 I won't blame you, 
instead 
I will remember the kisses 
our lips raw with love 
and how you gave me 
everything you had 
and how I 
offered you what was left of 
me, 
and I will remember your small room 
the feel of you 
the light in the window 
your records 
your books 
our morning coffee 
our noons our nights 
our bodies spilled together 
sleeping 
the tiny flowing currents 
immediate and forever 
your leg my leg 
your arm my arm 
your smile and the warmth 
of you

The poem does go on, but those are the best lines. The last line is perfect (it's my blog title!), but without the entire poem as a contextual backdrop, quoting is is useless here. 

Perhaps I'm still leaving things. Breadcrumbs that lead to nowhere, but are being dropped just the same. Old habits, I suppose. 

My nightmares are returning. I had a particularly brutal one last night. I knew that was coming, though. 

Tomorrow is my long day. I have a couple of stops to make in the morning before school. I don't really want to go, I just want to hang out in my robe and drink coffee while I read Bukowski, look at photos, and who knows what else. I'll probably spend  few days next week doing that. 

I'm super excited for Sunday!! Most of next week is going to be pretty damn solid, but I'm most excited for this Sunday. 

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