I'll make him smile so I can kill it and eat it

This will probably be long, since I haven't written in here in a while, and also I've been fairly busy, and also I feel like writing for ages, so I will.

The last time I wrote in here, I mentioned an episode of sleepwalking. It was a pretty intense episode of sleepwalking for me, and it freaked me out quite a bit. I have since discovered that I sleepwalk A LOT. Here's the skinny:

Frubs and I were hanging out in the living room a week or so ago, and we heard this clink clink CRASH in the kitchen. Frubs got up and saw that a glass had fallen from the cabinet and was broken on the floor. He assumed one of the cats had done it, but they were all asleep on the chairs in the living room. We thought it was a little weird, just having a glass jump out of the cabinet, but ultimately decided that it was probably put away while still a little wet, right up against the edge, and it must have somehow slipped. While discussing that, I told Frubs that I've noticed other weird things around the house, too. Like furniture being moved, and cabinets being wide open, and doors being closed (we leave all of the doors open for the animals, since they like to hide in and under things and we don't want them trapped anywhere). I wasn't trying to imply that the house is haunted or anything, I was more remarking on how odd it all was.

Long story short: I'm doing it.

I sleepwalk. I sleep arrange my house. It's very disconcerting to know that I get up and do things in the middle of the night and I have no control over it. Though I suppose it is a very effective way to get house chores done, if I could just harness my energy toward cleaning instead of, like, going bullshit crazy around the house. Allen says he and girlfran hear me walking around at odd hours of the night CONSTANTLY, when both of them know Derek and I have gone to bed already. I'm thinking of asking Derek to use his little Asus tablet thing to record the house at night so I can see exactly what I do. This morning, I had 329 steps logged when I woke up at 8. Some of those were legitimate when I was awake, because the Fitbit cycles over at midnight. I did go to sleep officially in my bed at about 12:10, and I did not take 328 steps in the time. It's so bizarre to figure out I'm a sleep walker, and I wonder how long I've been doing it.

Reddit really is one of my favorite places to cruise when I have an hour or so to kill on the internet, and I want a wide variety of the things. For instance, this morning, I found this:

That backlighting, tho.

Things like that pop up all over Reddit all the time. I've gotten pretty vocal on some of the subreddits (like ELI5), and it's enough social interaction that I feel like I maybe don't have to go outside and talk to real people, since I hate them.

It's been a few days since I started this post. The only thing of note that happened is Elvis.

Behold! Elvis:

Evlis is the Queen of Derek's Laundry Pile!!!!

It's been two days of absolute delight. I have so missed having a little bunny of my own to watch binky all about the damn thing. And as a super amazing bonus, Elvis likes to hop on my shoulder and just chill out. It makes me so fucking happy. My phone is absolutely FULL of pictures of her. She's the new love of my life, and she was an amazing present.

Friday was a good day. We got the rest of our engagement pictures. I look fucking AWFUL in them, but hot damn, our photographer is god damn talented. Allen and girlfran went up to Denver with us to review the photos, and they helped us pick out the best ones. Here are the best ones that they all liked the best (I was pretty wildly unhappy with how I looked, so I'm not terribly in favor of my place in the photos, but the photos themselves really ARE Gorgeous:

This space was the most AMAZING wind tunnel, and the fact that I was able to keep my skirt down for the shots taken up here is a god damn miracle. Derek isn't actually a fan of this picture, since I'm in the background and only he's in the foreground. I said that's the best thing about the picture! Nobody thought it was funny.

This picture is my very favorite. I think the monochromatic fore/background is a perfect place for my red dress and Derek's blue outfit. The colors look super fucking dramatic. Plus, my legs look fucking LONG. AND like they disappear into the couch, due to my shoes matching the color pretty much exactly. But I really do like this picture.

Let's not discuss my fat face and my muscle-less arm (that is the broken one). Let's also not focus on how I REALLY should have worn another dress, because the cut of this one is gorgeous for someone with not my body type. I look so angry. I was deeply upset at having my photo taken all day, and this was the end of the session (which ran two hours longer than his normal two hours), so I was fucking DRAINED.

I am loathe to post this one, because this angle is awful, and black and white casts bizarre shadows on me. But whatever. It was one of Allen's favorites.

Posting them is bumming me out, because I hate how I fucking look (which isn't new, but the accident really did some damage, and I hate that I gained that weight, even though it's almost all gone now (it's been two months since the engagement photos were done, and I've been biking up a god damn storm!), but I still hate it all. Yuck.

I'm having dinner with Derek, Derek's parents, Allen, and girlfran tomorrow night at Little Nepal. I've never met Derek's parents, and I'm insanely nervous. But, on the other hand, it's nice to have the opportunity to do that, and not be all hidden and shit.

It'll probably be a little while before I write in here again, though I am shooting a wedding this weekend, so I may post some pictures from that, if I take any that I REALLY like.

Also, I think I just got a promotion at work?

What do we want? Time Travel! When do we want it? IRRELEVANT!

I sliced my hand open last night cooking dinner.

I was chopping up a huge thing of ginger that I bought, and my hand slipped and went RIGHT under the knife as it came down. Now I look like I'm about to go practice pugilism in a shady ass gym somewhere. My hand is all wrapped up with gauze and bandages. I bled like a stuck pig. Hooray!

I have a paper to write tonight that's due in nine hours. I have fifteen miles to ride. Allen's girlfriend is coming over, so I have to straighten up downstairs. I have laundry to do. I pretty much just want to take a fucking nap.

BUT!

I went outside this afternoon, and stood right next to a bunny. It made my fucking day. It didn't even run away, it just stood next to me (most people would say that staying still was a fear reflex, but I choose to believe it's because the bunny wanted to be the best of friends with me), and I talked to it and then went back inside.

I'm thinking about writing a story about Alzheimer's. It isn't pleasant, but I would be hard pressed to think of a happy go lucky scenario involving Alzheimer's.

Tomorrow is museum day!!!!!!!!!

My lips are warm to the touch, and my words seem so alive

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

So, Frubs and I went back to Brighton yesterday (at the expense of my homework, if I'm being honest. I had every intention of finishing it BEFORE tomorrow, so we could go to Brighton without a time crunch. But...uh...I did not. Friday night, J was over, so we all had dinner together, and Frubs and I watched Iron Chef America until I fell asleep on his lap (I had to be dragged into bed, despite me softly crying, "Noooo, falling asleep on the couch is my favorite way to spend time with youuuuuuu", and I believe this claim 100%, since I always fall asleep on the couch, and I get sad or pissy when Derek tries to wake me up to go to bed)...EARLY. I crashed hard. I'm fairly exhausted during semesters, and there are certain days that hit me harder than others, and I pass out at 8 like some sort of old lady. Who am I fucking kidding? I AM an old lady. Comparatively. I'm certainly not 20 anymore.

Anyway, here's what I got. Which isn't a lot, unfortunately. Flash batteries were dead, and that severely limited the expedition, and it also fucking SMELLED.

 This is the third space in the plant, if you walk through what I assume is the front door instead of the loading bay areas. Notice the dead hawk. I named him Waldo, because I am fucking weird. His mate was circling overhead the entire time Derek and I were there. There are about three other dead birds in this area. Also, fun story to nobody but me, when I was in here, a starling bounced down from the hole in the roof, yelled at me, and then flew away. How dare I .

 Barrels again! From a different perspective! There's still a dead hawk in the picture, but it would be worse if it weren't.

 I LOVED the black gunk on the wall, because it looked to me like the high voltage being warned about came up and wrecked shop. Plus, High Voltage is one of my favorite Electric Six songs. So obviously, this picture had to be taken.

 It was insanely windy when Derek and I went back to Brighton, and this was two floors up, in a space with four open windows that made the entire room akin to a wind tunnel. I didn't think I'd be able to get a picture of all these keen doohickeys that wasn't shaky as fuck, but I managed! The climb down the broken ladder was especially fun (she said, not actually meaning at all).

 This is the same room that the barrels are in. I'm not even sure how stagnant, shitty water manages this, but the reflection looks cleaner than the actual door. Which is the only reason I took the picture.

 I have seen this horror movie, and I die. Everybody dies. That door is intimidating and gross. Also scary, because the wind rattled it about and it slammed repeatedly, and if it wasn't slamming, it was moaning, and I was frightened the entire time. I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

 Frubs, taking photos of all of the dirty things. Please take note of the spectacularly pink respirator filters!!

 Well...his glasses are crooked, but that's not my fault. Those freckles, though. Those fucking freckles.

This photo is titled, "Friday night, a bag of Cheetos, and my crippling social anxiety". For obvious reasons.

We're going back again, but with the proper lighting, and an additional tripod. I don't know when, though. Derek leaves in a couple of months, which is going to limit our time together to once a month from July until May of next year, unless the things we think are going to happen happen, in which case, I'll be moving with him in a few months. But sh. We'll see. Hopefully, better Brighton photos in a week or two.

I still think I have hantavirus now more than ever.

O WAIT! I took some, too!

So, I skipped an entry. I realized I didn't put my pictures up here, I put them up on Facebook. I'm getting closer and closer to scrapping this blog altogether. It's pretty fucking useless, honestly, and I don't think anybody important reads it, anyway. We'll see. This could very well be gone in a few months, when I'm finished with the semester and I have nothing better to do than ride my bike and delete my blogs.

 Here is the creepy doll that I assumed would be recognized earlier. But now, it CAN be recognized!! Or if this is read from the top down, then you will recognize it from later.

 Frubs, checking out his camera gear, as we got ready to leave our exhausting shoot.

 This is where we took the photos. There is SO MUCH MORE to this place. Ugh. I can't wait to go back.

Hooray! Flaker Bins for everyone! Storage all about the thing!!!

I can't wait to go back and actually spend time taking photos there.

In which I am a fucking cow, but Frubs is the god damn handsomest

So, I got my sneak peek today.

I am posting these photos, and the disclaimer is, they do not belong to me, I did not take them, they are the brain child of my fucking fantastic, amazing wedding photographer, Ryan, with Elevate Photography. He didn't watermark all of them, though I wish he had. Some part of me feels like I'm stealing.

These are my favorites.

You may recognize the creepy fucking doll. Ryan went for full view, I went for a close-up. Derek and I at the top of the stairs was taken in one of the abandoned houses in the complex. Ryan asked me what would happen if I get as close to the stairs as my shoes would allow...I told him I would fall. I nearly did. So we backed up a bit. When Ryan told Derek to channel James Dean, I told him to look deader. It only made me laugh.

 I had no idea Ryan was taking this photo, actually. We were heading toward a place, and since we hadn't arrived there yet, I figured Ryan wasn't snapping away. Damn foolish of me, as I am always snapping away, and I should have figured he was, too. Derek was, at this moment, telling me that when we got home, he was going to smash all of the chicken wings around our firepit.

 The dirty couch portrait was my idea. Getting onto it was a huge pain in the ass, but very much worth it, as I believe it's my second favorite photo that I've been allowed to see so far.

 These are obviously the promo shots from my new crime drama, BITCH COP, in which Derek is a hardened Chicago PD detective that has to learn to cope with me, his new partner, and all of the bad assitude I brought with me from the streets of Miami. I don't take no for an answer, and Derek isn't used to not being the only shining light in a dirty city. WILL THEY SURVIVE? Tune in, Fox Weeknights. Same BITCH COP time, same BITCH COP place.

This is actually my favorite shot so far, I believe. If you can see the motion blur on my feet, I was about to fall backwards, because I'm always doing everything gracefully and grandly. But it was Derek's fault. Neither of us cared.

It's going to be a few weeks before I get to see the rest of them, and I am so excited (even though I look like a land whale of some fancy variety. I really should have worn a different fucking dress. Fuck. I fucked u p) about it.

Due to lack of interest, tomorrow is cancelled

So, I ran through my hair with Melissa today. We figured out what I'll be wearing my hair like on Saturday, and I'm super excited. She put my hair up for me so nobody could see what it would look like. I look like a crazy old lady.

Check it:

Maybe it's the glasses. Or the curtains? Or how fucking WHITE I am. I have no idea.

But I'm excited for Saturday.

Friday, Allen will be making his girlfriend dinner here. I asked him if he wanted Frubs and I to disappear so he could have the house to himself. He said fuck no, he'll make us dinner, too. So I told him I'll make everyone a cheesecake. I haven't made one in years and years and years, so I'm both nervous and excited to go at it again.

I have to apologize for the rampant spelling errors that have been waltzing about my posts lately. I'm still not used to this keyboard, and putting to instead of too won't be caught by spell check, because the word is correctly spelled, just not correctly used. It's irritating.

I have to take my big, dumb dog to the vet now. I'm not pleased. I want to go eat lunch at Little Nepal, but I don't have time. Fuck balls.

I think you're suffering from an overdeveloped sense of self. How extraordinary dull.

I fucked around on Reddit instead of doing my homework. That place is such a black hole. Fuck. But I saw a bunch of really neat stuff! So I'm almost glad I wasted my evening. Even though I had so. Much. Homework.

BUT!

I finished ALL of it. With seventeen minutes to spare. Which is impressive, I suppose, discounting the fact that I had all week to do it and just waited until the last moment. In fairness...well, there really isn't anything valid to say here.

Frubs and I were supposed to watch Kingsman and have dinner out Saturday night, but when it came time to go, I felt much more like staying at home in my pajamas and watching a movie I could interrupt. Which turned out to work in Derek's favor, as he had a going away party to go to, and he ended up wanting to stay for FAR longer than we initially planned on due to going to the movie. But it all worked out alright. Allen and I watched God's Not Dead, which really is the most disgusting caricature of any kind of human being ever, and it's so smug and self-congratulatory and PREDICTABLE that Allen just kind of...walked downstairs and said he couldn't handle the movie anymore because it made him feel slimy and mad. I tried to finish it, but it's just so god damn difficult. I have about ten minutes left of it, and I gave up. Derek came home and distracted me, so I had double the excuse to turn that bullshit off. If you want to watch a movie that blows EVERYBODY...Christians and Atheists alike...out of proportion just to get across their personal persecution and how wrong everybody is about god, please. By all means. Watch God's Not Dead. I fucking dare you to finish it.

TODAY was a fantastic day. Frubs and I were supposed to go on a ride, so I woke up, bright eyed and bushy-haired, at 7 am, ready to go for a few hours before we all hit up our favorite brunch spot on Sundays (three dollar mimosas! A brunch spot after my own liver failure and diabetes), but he wasn't feeling that at all. So we lounged about in bed together for a couple of hours, went to brunch with everybody, and got three more half off coupons (we frequent there. A lot. They love us, so we get treated like regulars. It's awesome. OH! That reminds me...but for later), got half off of this meal, and then went home to let the big, dumb dog out. Derek and Allen have been gassing all about the thing for chairs in the back yard, so we went and bought some chairs, and Derek bought everything necessary for making a firepit in the backyard. Today ACTUALLY started with him turning to me while driving home in Jasper and saying this:

You know, we have everything at home necessary for making a hovercraft. We could start our own Easter hovercraft tradition.

I'm disappointed that the firepit took over his plans for the day. If I hadn't come in to do some homework, I definitely would have insisted we build a hovercraft. And then fill it with eels, to satisfy my love of Monty Python (we watched And Now For Something Completely Different on Friday  night, with wine. It was wonderful). But I did come in to do some homework. I banged out a fuckton of it, despite my two hours on Reddit. It didn't keep me from doing anything and submitting it on time, it just kept me from...you know...doing it in a MORE timely fashion. Anyway, I did some homework, decided I needed a break, and went outside to wash Jasper. Who is now the cleanest, sexiest mother fucker on the block. Maybe in the world. I love my silly car.

Anyway, while I was doing that, Frubs was building this:

He did such a good job!!! I'm so pleased. So, we grilled for dinner, then sat around the fire pit talking for a few hours. I poked in and out, still pretending to try and do my homework, but really looking on Reddit. All in all, it was a fantastic night. Frubs just went to bed, and I'm drinking some wine before I join him.

So, the thing I was reminded of.

Something I've seen a few times on things like TMP is people giving outlandishly large tips to servers they connect with, and who ALSO happen to tell fantastic stories about what they want to do with their lives, but they can't right now due to whatever. I have been on the lookout for that opportunity so fucking HARD.

I finally found it.

And I gave that big, huge, ridiculous tip without a moment of hesitation. On the receipt, I wrote:

Enjoy your life in four months when you finally make it to Europe, but don't ever forget to enjoy your life now. Make it all count! Thanks for being you.

And then I drew a ridiculous smiley face on it, and my only regret is I didn't get to see her reaction. Derek was none to pleased with me for that. He thinks I overtip as it is, and this was just the most outrageous thing he's ever seen anybody do. But it made me happy. I bet it made her happy. I bet it made the other waitstaff happy, too, but I don't know them, so they don't get a say here. Anyway, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I think everybody needs to get something like that out of nowhere every once and awhile. Something unexpected that will hopefully light them up inside in the best way possible.

Fuck. This wine is getting to me.

Tomorrow is Melissa and hair and makeup and stuff, Wednesday is breakfast and study day with Stevie, and Saturday is engagement photos!! Yay! I'm weirdly excited for all of this stuff. I'm surprised at myself for being this big a girl about my home, my frusband, my car...any of the things I currently have going for me that I didn't one year ago. Or even longer. But I don't think I could be having any of these things with anybody else. There's warmth and affection and jokes and fun all about the mother fucking thing, and it's god damn brilliant to see. Allen and I had a hugely long conversation about things yesterday afternoon after I came home from a terrible day at work. And We both know that things would have been different if things were different. Beautiful superficially, but clinical as fuck, and using large spaces as a buffer between time and absolute misery. Maybe that doesn't make sense to anybody but Allen and I. I suppose it doesn't matter.

I'm still a pretty mixed up girl. I have a lot of ideas and things that I can't shake, and I hold on to because I'm an idiot that just can't give certain things up. But outside of those persistent pangs of ridiculous, I am happy. I am incredibly, incredibly happy.

Finally.

I will regret this when I wake up and I am no longer wine soaked.