I think you're suffering from an overdeveloped sense of self. How extraordinary dull.

I fucked around on Reddit instead of doing my homework. That place is such a black hole. Fuck. But I saw a bunch of really neat stuff! So I'm almost glad I wasted my evening. Even though I had so. Much. Homework.

BUT!

I finished ALL of it. With seventeen minutes to spare. Which is impressive, I suppose, discounting the fact that I had all week to do it and just waited until the last moment. In fairness...well, there really isn't anything valid to say here.

Frubs and I were supposed to watch Kingsman and have dinner out Saturday night, but when it came time to go, I felt much more like staying at home in my pajamas and watching a movie I could interrupt. Which turned out to work in Derek's favor, as he had a going away party to go to, and he ended up wanting to stay for FAR longer than we initially planned on due to going to the movie. But it all worked out alright. Allen and I watched God's Not Dead, which really is the most disgusting caricature of any kind of human being ever, and it's so smug and self-congratulatory and PREDICTABLE that Allen just kind of...walked downstairs and said he couldn't handle the movie anymore because it made him feel slimy and mad. I tried to finish it, but it's just so god damn difficult. I have about ten minutes left of it, and I gave up. Derek came home and distracted me, so I had double the excuse to turn that bullshit off. If you want to watch a movie that blows EVERYBODY...Christians and Atheists alike...out of proportion just to get across their personal persecution and how wrong everybody is about god, please. By all means. Watch God's Not Dead. I fucking dare you to finish it.

TODAY was a fantastic day. Frubs and I were supposed to go on a ride, so I woke up, bright eyed and bushy-haired, at 7 am, ready to go for a few hours before we all hit up our favorite brunch spot on Sundays (three dollar mimosas! A brunch spot after my own liver failure and diabetes), but he wasn't feeling that at all. So we lounged about in bed together for a couple of hours, went to brunch with everybody, and got three more half off coupons (we frequent there. A lot. They love us, so we get treated like regulars. It's awesome. OH! That reminds me...but for later), got half off of this meal, and then went home to let the big, dumb dog out. Derek and Allen have been gassing all about the thing for chairs in the back yard, so we went and bought some chairs, and Derek bought everything necessary for making a firepit in the backyard. Today ACTUALLY started with him turning to me while driving home in Jasper and saying this:

You know, we have everything at home necessary for making a hovercraft. We could start our own Easter hovercraft tradition.

I'm disappointed that the firepit took over his plans for the day. If I hadn't come in to do some homework, I definitely would have insisted we build a hovercraft. And then fill it with eels, to satisfy my love of Monty Python (we watched And Now For Something Completely Different on Friday  night, with wine. It was wonderful). But I did come in to do some homework. I banged out a fuckton of it, despite my two hours on Reddit. It didn't keep me from doing anything and submitting it on time, it just kept me from...you know...doing it in a MORE timely fashion. Anyway, I did some homework, decided I needed a break, and went outside to wash Jasper. Who is now the cleanest, sexiest mother fucker on the block. Maybe in the world. I love my silly car.

Anyway, while I was doing that, Frubs was building this:

He did such a good job!!! I'm so pleased. So, we grilled for dinner, then sat around the fire pit talking for a few hours. I poked in and out, still pretending to try and do my homework, but really looking on Reddit. All in all, it was a fantastic night. Frubs just went to bed, and I'm drinking some wine before I join him.

So, the thing I was reminded of.

Something I've seen a few times on things like TMP is people giving outlandishly large tips to servers they connect with, and who ALSO happen to tell fantastic stories about what they want to do with their lives, but they can't right now due to whatever. I have been on the lookout for that opportunity so fucking HARD.

I finally found it.

And I gave that big, huge, ridiculous tip without a moment of hesitation. On the receipt, I wrote:

Enjoy your life in four months when you finally make it to Europe, but don't ever forget to enjoy your life now. Make it all count! Thanks for being you.

And then I drew a ridiculous smiley face on it, and my only regret is I didn't get to see her reaction. Derek was none to pleased with me for that. He thinks I overtip as it is, and this was just the most outrageous thing he's ever seen anybody do. But it made me happy. I bet it made her happy. I bet it made the other waitstaff happy, too, but I don't know them, so they don't get a say here. Anyway, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I think everybody needs to get something like that out of nowhere every once and awhile. Something unexpected that will hopefully light them up inside in the best way possible.

Fuck. This wine is getting to me.

Tomorrow is Melissa and hair and makeup and stuff, Wednesday is breakfast and study day with Stevie, and Saturday is engagement photos!! Yay! I'm weirdly excited for all of this stuff. I'm surprised at myself for being this big a girl about my home, my frusband, my car...any of the things I currently have going for me that I didn't one year ago. Or even longer. But I don't think I could be having any of these things with anybody else. There's warmth and affection and jokes and fun all about the mother fucking thing, and it's god damn brilliant to see. Allen and I had a hugely long conversation about things yesterday afternoon after I came home from a terrible day at work. And We both know that things would have been different if things were different. Beautiful superficially, but clinical as fuck, and using large spaces as a buffer between time and absolute misery. Maybe that doesn't make sense to anybody but Allen and I. I suppose it doesn't matter.

I'm still a pretty mixed up girl. I have a lot of ideas and things that I can't shake, and I hold on to because I'm an idiot that just can't give certain things up. But outside of those persistent pangs of ridiculous, I am happy. I am incredibly, incredibly happy.

Finally.

I will regret this when I wake up and I am no longer wine soaked.