And she said it all to an empty room.

I've taken an unintentional break from blogging. I've been busy with school and work and various other things. I did go out shooting the other night, but I was deeply dissatisfied with the results. 

I'm taking an on purpose break now. Effective after I'm done whining. 

My uncle died on Friday night (I started bawling in the middle of philosophy. Then I got drunk. Real drunk. Stevie and Mike came over and had bad food with me and we watched youtube and told stories and made each other laugh until almost 2am. It was fantastic). This doesn't really bum me out, aside from the obvious not having my cool uncle around anymore. He had cancer, and that shit blows. 

I'm having a really rough downshift. I'm trying to smile through it and not let it get to me. But it is. I feel like everything is wrong and I'm just so awful and useless and everything about me is ugly. Medication isn't helping, and I just don't want to deal. I don't want to be a drag on anybody's emotional economy, so I don't talk about it. These episodes are cripplingly lonely. It fucking hurts, and it's awfully dark in my head right now. 

I need a hug. An ocean of them. Kisses and pettings and all of the nice things. But they're all gone, gone, gone. 

I feel monochromatic and only partially alive. 

I suppose I'll come back when that changes.