Drea - Apostle and True Pie Aficionado: a Love Story

Oy. So, sometimes the blog has a mind of its own and decides it wants to change formats and look fucking weird. I fiddled with my original post for a solid thirty minutes, and I give up. Main points:

- I went dress shopping for the Christmas party, found a fantastic high neck/keyhole back lace dress that I didn't buy  because I'll never wear it again, and 100 bucks for something like that is frivolous.

- I DID buy a new pair of shoes for 10 bucks, they were originally 40, and I love them. Along with the shoes were earphones fit for running with, and an off the shoulder coral sweater. I'll be wearing those things this evening for times with the gang and times with The Swede, and I will look adorable.

- I sort of internally freaked out because I invited The Swede to come have food with The Gang tonight...not because I'm ready to have my friends meet him, but because my biggest pet peeve is people talking about grand things they're going to do and not inviting me to them. I invite everybody to everything I speak of in front of them because of this (golden rule, mother fuckers. Treat people the way you'd like to be treated. I practice that). I'm vaguely worried he was under the impression that I felt it necessary for him to meet all of my friends and that I  may or may not have freaked him out with my invitation. Too late to take it back, and explaining would seem silly. The whole worrying about it is silly, but I'm very girly in my head sometimes.

- I'm super excited to be with the most of the people I love the most in the world tonight. Food, drinking, silliness, and, as per Stevie's new rule, only the parts of the internet we're already familiar with. Yay!

- I'm also excited to see The Swede.

- And the most important part:

Allen stayed with his lady friend on Wednesday night (no need to name-drop), and then he wrote about it that morning. Not a drippy little love sonnet or anything like that. He had shared with me previously that staying at her house brought odd occurrences, and since they happened again, he thought he needed to write about it. One of my favorite things about Allen is his ability to write. He does it so beautifully and it reads effortlessly. I've always been slightly jealous of his abilities, to be honest. It's nice that he thinks I'm a good writer. It softens the blow of his outrageous talent. Jerk. Anyway, here's what he wrote. It's a very rough draft, according to Allen (and I agree. It's not difficult to read because of that, but it does cut from the streamlined feel), and I haven't touched it up at all. Here it is:

Seems like forever
since someone straightened my collar
and startled neighbors into burning sage.

I still hear echos in the dark with you.
Those familiar ghosts.

One watches me not sleeping,
and sees my eyes on the ceiling
Irises dilate
Crow's feet on her face

One breathes
almost in time with you
Slower
Warm air rushes through the cobwebs in her lungs
A dusty organ played after a long vacation,
A dirge in remembrance of a kiss
on my neck before you slept.

One traces with a translucent finger
my limbs, numb from your head resting on my thigh
I know it's not pins and needles,
And I cannot bring myself to wake you.

When I'm alone,
nobody adjusts my collar but me,
and I sleep soundly,
only waking with alarms.
Though I miss the numbness in my extremities
or being close enough to feel teeth behind lips

The times I spend not sleeping with you
are ghosts that follow only us around.

I loved it. He has a number of other poems that I love (but they are old, old, old. He wrote me one, once. I think he wrote me two. But I have never shared them with anyone. They're on old paper, carefully tucked away with my most precious of possessions), and I believe I have them in my email. I'd kind of like to make an entire post with my favorite poems of his, and take pictures of things to go along. He is my best friend in the whole world, and I think that anybody viewing my blog should know how fucking talented he is.

All the while, the girl sang

So, tonight got super fucking real for a little bit. But all in all, it was a grand night. Allen and I grubbed on our super radical Thanksgiving schtuffs (seven layer dip and tortilla chips. Nailed it!), I took a double header of a particularly pleasant favorite thing of mine (it starts with a V and ends in -icodin, in case you were curious), Allen had a Xanax, and we watched some MST3K. Mike called to tell me he and Stevie were on their way. Lindsey showed up, quite unexpectedly, bringing Allen some food from her Thanksgiving thing she did today, and she hung out for a little bit. Then Stevie and Mike showed up, and we just steamrolled into about an hour of some seriously uncomfortable time. Stevie, Mike, and I were introduced to a corner of the internet we'd never seen, and I personally don't want to revisit it. Lindsey left, Allen went to bed, and Stevie, Mike, and I dicked around for about an hour. Mike and I are pretty big on repping movies and talking like we know things about said movies. Which we don't (tonight's movies were Gladiator, Chocolat, Crash, Castaway, and a few others. Gladiator more than anything else). Mike wins this game every single time, because I can't keep a straight face. Stevie said she couldn't handle it anymore, so they just went home.

My house is quiet now. I'm tired, but not tired enough to sleep. I'm thinking about taking a Xanax and going to sleep, but I've already had two vicodin, some booze, and two Redbulls. I'm starting to wonder if my heart is going to stop at some point in the next few hours.

Come to me, my melancholy baby

Yesterday was a good day.

I was on my way home from a fantastic evening (via a very long way. Allen was with me, and we drove through GoG and up to Graffiti Falls, chatting and listening to music), when The Swede asked if I wanted to come by. After doing a favor for someone, I headed over, singing at the top of my lungs in my car (I am LOVING that I rediscovered For The Girl by The Fratellis. That song makes me so fucking happy, even though it's horribly dark). A few minutes after I got there, his neighbor came over, and she said something about needing to vent, so I was like, hey, I'm a stranger, you can vent to me! So she came back in, and we chatted for about an hour. She was so delightful. Very young, but delightful. We shared tattoos, and awful, award dating stories. The Swede was making glögg (I am damn near positive I spelled that correctly. Also, it was fucking delicious) and some sort of chocolate cake thing (which also smelled incredible), Andrea (Ha, fun times. Andrea, Andreas, and Ondrea. OBVIOUSLY the perfect group of people) and I were chatting, music was playing...it was just a lovely time. After she left, The Swede and I continued chatting and listening to music and generally having a fantastic time. We watched a movie, I debated on going out and grabbing something to eat at 1am, but I was a little too out of my head to accomplish anything other than a car accident, and I started falling asleep on him halfway through. So, we went to bed, and I think I may have fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation. I'm horribly inconsiderate. I woke up this morning, and The Swede made me tea (my first successful cup of tea with absolutely no sweeteners in it. I feel like an adult!), put on more music, and I watched him sing and dance around. While I am not in any sense of the term a morning person, I was wildly delighted to take part in the dancing with him. He played his mandolin for me, and there was a bit more dancing before I left (to a fucking FANTASTIC song that I've been listening to on repeat for the last twenty minutes or so). Check it:

Super wonderful, right? I know. Good stuff. I had such a good time with him last night, and I'm excited to see him on Saturday (after working and food times with the gang. Since we're not doing Thanksgiving stuff today, that happens this weekend. Yay!).

I had been texting Stevie all morning, so I went to her house when I left The Swede's. I asked her if she wanted to go to breakfast with me, but she didn't respond in time, so we ate cereal while she made sweet potatoes. We watched a shitload of Investigation Discovery, and discussed how our dreams are now to be either reenactment actresses, or infomercial actresses. Because obviously, those careers are the pinnacle of success. I hung out for a few hours, and then it was time for her to go to her parents' with Mike. Stevie and Mike will be here in a couple of hours, and I'm excited for all of us to hang out. I grabbed a big platter of dips and chips, and I'm going to cook up some chicken to go with it. Yum. And yay!

I got a text from my buddy Nick on my way home, and I told him we should do something soon.

Allen got home shortly before I did (he spent the night with a lady last night. I like this particular lady, even though I've only met her once. She might come for festivities this weekend, which means she'll be integrated into the gang. I love this part...I love seeing how the newest person someone is dating fits in. But she really is cool as fuck, so I'm pretty positive everybody else will like her), and I wasn't expecting him home yet, so I was pleased that he was here. We chatted about our evenings, and then commenced listening to music. He played me a song by Sadistik that I REALLY liked, and then he read me the poem he wrote this morning when he got home. As per his usual, it was just gorgeous. I told him I loved it, but I wish his poetry didn't all sound so sad, because I just want him to be happy. He laughed at me, but quite good-naturedly. He;s upstairs napping right now.

I'm listening to the song I embedded above, and I'm thinking about things. I feel quite content right now. I'm debating on running before everyone gets here, and I know I should. I'm just trying to get up the motivation. I feel so calm and pleased, like a cat bathing in shafts of sunlight. I don't want to go anywhere at all. Perhaps I'll write something, too. I want to run around and take picturres so I can get a little bit of legitimate work-out accomplished, but um...I don't think I'm going to. I'll just take pictures when Mike and Stevie come over. I'm not sure if Chris is coming, so I'll text him in a minute and find out.

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my quiet time before Allen wakes up. I think I'm going to have a tub and read the book I'm borrowing from The Swede. Today is also a good day. It's incredibly cliche, but I'm grateful for everything. Not just today, but everyday. Shit gets really hard sometimes, and there are days when I feel like nothing is worth it. Like I'm not worth it. But when I snap back to reality, I am so fucking in love with being alive. I have amazing friends, I have my intellect, I have my experiences and the things I've learned, and aside from trivial things, I want for nothing. They're all good days. Even the shitty ones.

The unbearable lightness of being

I had to take my friend to the hospital tonight. I stayed with her and took her to grab her scripts when they released her. I dropped her off, helped her upstairs, and went back home.

I'm sad tonight. I watched a movie with Allen, but he went to bed, so I've made myself another drink, and I'm listening to music while I write. A big part of me wants to draw a bath so I can soak in the tub and cry my little face off, but I don't have the energy.

I'm hoping to feel a bit more normal tomorrow. I have nothing at all to do, so I'm thinking I might go walk around downtown and take some photos. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow night instead. But I'd still like to go out and take pictures. I'm sad that Graffiti Falls is entirely closed down. I'd like to go take some pictures up there, but I can't even park at the bottom. Maybe I'll drive out to Manitou Lake. Maybe I'll look up new places to go.

I don't want to sleep by myself right now.

I'm debating on whether or not I should watch a movie to help me fall asleep, keep listening to music, or take a xanax.

It's amazingly clear out tonight. I just sat outside and watched the stars for a little bit. I never know what to say when I do that. That seems like as good an ending place as anything: I don't know what to say.

The star thief

So, I wanted to catch up on my creeping today. I went to Starbucks, got a chai latte, and sat down. After the first click, the girl sitting next to me chatted me up about cameras for a moment, and told me she creeps on people at CSU, because it's the perfect place to do it. I never thought about creeping on someone at school, so I think I'll do that next week.

Here's who I focused on today. I left Starbucks with a big ol' soft spot for this guy. He was editing a book he wrote, and he was using green paper. How could I not love him for these moments?

I smiled at him when I left, and he saluted me. I wanted to sit with him and get a closer picture of his face.

The old gentleman was out on the corner again. Another young kid that was sitting inside of Starbucks went out and spoke to him, then bought him a coffee. When I left, I stopped at his table and told him that what he did was so incredible, and I asked him if I could buy him a coffee. He said no and looked away from me. He didn't seem to want to chat. I looked for my opportunity again to take the older fellow to get something to eat, but he was gone when I left Starbucks.

Lordy! I am erotic and supple!

Exhibit A:

One day, I'll learn how to smile correctly, and not look like a fucking idiot.

I'm becoming insanely bored with growing my hair out. Not because I don't want long hair, but I'm still trying to recover from the chop job I got at the beginning of last year. I'm thinking about waiting another few months, then chopping everything off at my chin and starting fresh.

I have to clean my house, because Andreas will be here in an hour and fifteen minutes, and everything is a disaster.

I can escape anything but....

Big Black Delta has done it again.

I listened to their entire CD today, and while I only liked a few songs on it, those songs are EXCEPTIONAL.

I did some solid research and digging today, and put together every single thing I want for my new camera. If I buy all 11 things I set aside, then I'll have my dream set up for 2,003.58. This includes the new camera I want, so I'm obviously quite the little bargain hunter.

I'm going to make my own bookshelf (I use that term loosely) to hang up on my wall so I can get rid of my bookshelf and have more space in my room. I'm hoping to find a small corner desk that I can stash in my room so I can get rid of my long desk entirely and use my office space as a photo/painting space.

Speaking of painting, I am plum out of canvas. I wanted to paint yesterday, so I went up to my art closet to find that I have absolutely nothing to paint on. I was upset. But not upset enough to go to Michael's and buy some more. I may do that on my way home, because I need to sit and paint, and this week will be perfect for that.

Stevie is going to give me a three level cage for the boys, and I'm very pleased about this. They need more space, and now I can get them a big exercise wheel and three hammocks (they're spoiled little brats, clearly). And um...maybe one more rat. Because I love my rats, and I think they're far more entertaining than cats are. Plus, my boys are always excited to see me, whereas my stupid fat black cat just sort of looks at me blankly and walks away. Unless I have important things to do...then she's all about it. What an old dummy.

My philosophy professor is teaching the ethics course I want to take next semester, but he's teaching it at a time that I can't attend. This is kind of a shame, because I like him quite a bit. However, Mike has the professor that is teaching the class I AM taking, and he says he's kind of awesome.

I'm procrastinating, in case it wasn't obvious to those of you playing the home game. I should stop.