I'm just kind of waiting for this day to hit rock bottom. I'm just venting here to make myself feel a bit better, because really I'm not in THAT bad a mood. It's been a pretty decent day, if you subtract all of the bullshit.
Let's tick down the list, shall we? But I'm going to include everything in it, even the good stuff.
- Jennifer was late picking me up this morning. Which didn't really bother me. She's doing me a favor, and I texted Monica to tell her what happened, and she was fine with it. I'm not in trouble, it just set the tone for the day.
- There was a HUGE...I mean HUGE...box of chocolates waiting for me as a Christmas present from one of the agents. Obviously, I've stuck it on the counter so everybody else can eat it. Thoughtful! But it makes me sad. Frowns!!
- I've gotten several gifts from agents for Christmas (a pretty hefty gift card, 100 bucks, a Starbucks giftcard, a scarf, and my favorite, the biggest bottle of Private Stock I've ever laid my eyes upon. Among others), and it's been lovely.
- They can't look at my car until fucking THURSDAY now. They sort of looked at it, but since I have a couple of Transmission codes in there, they're sending it to their transmission tech. Thursday. THURSDAY IS NOT TODAY. And I need my car three days ago. I also think it's wildly ineffective if they're just going to send my car off to a different person for each code they find. You have a few transmission codes? New technician. But you also have a computer code...new technician. At this rate, they'll have my car fully diagnosed by 2017. Mid July. Just in time for my birthday!
- They can't give me a loaner car, because Drea can get fucked, that's why. I, in very out of character fashion, threw a mighty conniption fit. As nicely as I could, of course, but a fit was thrown just the same. I talked to the service guy, a finance guy, the service manager, and the finance manager. Nothing. No loaner. Because I'm an out of dealership warranty. Or because they just don't like the cut of my jib.
- I'm on academic warning, because I fucked something up due to a misunderstanding. This is fine, at the end of the day, because it doesn't fucking with my grants, scholarships, or anything else. I just have to not make the same fuck up this semester, and keep my GPA above a 2.0. Which, honestly, is adorable. It's cute that they gave me such a low bar. Fuck that bar, I care not for it. It's below me. Get it? I AM FUCKING HILARIOUS.
- I get to save 300 bucks on my books for this semester, because I already have two of them! Yay!! So, I'll still be spending 700 bucks on learning (my accounting principles book is 325 damn dollars. I know accounting already. A/R and A/P for ten years now. Just give me a laser pointer, I'll teach the damn class. It's adorable that I think I know accounting in the way I'm going to learn it, isn't it? I'm so cute), but it could have been a grand. 300 extra bucks for me.
- I dropped two of my classes, so I'm only taking 15 credits this semester instead of 22. I'm doing my best to be cautious right now, because if something else in my life goes wrong, the ONE thing I am not willing to compromise is school. Everything else is whatever. Not school. It is the single most important thing in my life right now. So if I have to slow down a little bit and tack on an extra year to my graduation schedule, I'm fine with that. I'd rather not, but I am erring on the side of caution. School is too important for me not to.
I want Garbanzo, but can't get there. I'm not taking a lunch today, because I need to leave at 4 so Tosh can take me home. She's bottling her wine at 5, and I didn't want to wait around while they did that. I just want to go home and soak in my tub with a stiff as fuck drink. Which is precisely what I plan on doing, for those of you playing the home game.
I'm officially done with this day. Thank goodness it's almost over.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Hypocapnia my ass.
I finally got to see a huge number of views for my blog. 11,111. Aw yiss.
In today-was-totally-fucking-shit news, let's tick down the list of what happened:
- FedEx Office decided to be completely incompetent. Not terribly huge, but it's the tip of the iceberg.
- When I was getting ready to leave their parking lot, my car decides to die. Like a fucking champion. After a few minutes of me doing the following...crying hysterically, calling my professor to extend my presentation, calling my mom while still in hysterics, then talking to her serviceman, my car starts. Yay!
- While driving out of the parking lot, my car died. AGAIN.
- I called Tom to see if he'd come get me. Stevie got me first. Tom and Stevie got into a bicker war, which is completely my fault. Cool times.
- I got home and found out my car has a warranty, but I might be outside of it, because I somehow managed to drive 24 thousand miles in a year. I didn't even fucking go anywhere exciting. How did I manage that? There's still hope that I'm wrong about the amount of miles that were on the car, so that may not be wholly bad.
- Allen and I were eating dinner together and happily watching Star Trek when I get a text from The Swede, which promptly put me in a foul (read: upset to the point of tears) mood. It would have just been easier if he had stayed gone. I don't know how many times in my life I can say that and mean it before my heart breaks completely.
This is not to say that I am so broken up over The Swede and what he said that it's going to ruin me forever. Quite the contrary. I literally cried a few tears, and while I'm upset and disappointed, I'm going to be fine tomorrow. Do I feel foolish for believing the things he said to me the night before he disappeared? Of course I do. Anybody would. Then again, taking people at face value has always been my problem. I've always run under the assumption that because I wouldn't treat people a certain way, that they'd do me the courtesy So rarely is that the case. Such a shame, really. Maybe one day I'll be right.
I talked to my mom about this the other night. My mom thinks I'm a sex addict, and she's not the only person who thinks that. However, I don't speak about my growing understanding of my pathology, because I don't think I'm ready to discuss all of it at once yet. She did say that I need to go out of my way to not fuck anybody for a long, long time. She said I've let my sexuality define me, and that's not something anybody should ever do, especially somebody like me who has so much more to offer than that, and sex should be the least exciting thing about me. It's difficult to get into that mindset, honestly.
In today-was-totally-fucking-shit news, let's tick down the list of what happened:
- FedEx Office decided to be completely incompetent. Not terribly huge, but it's the tip of the iceberg.
- When I was getting ready to leave their parking lot, my car decides to die. Like a fucking champion. After a few minutes of me doing the following...crying hysterically, calling my professor to extend my presentation, calling my mom while still in hysterics, then talking to her serviceman, my car starts. Yay!
- While driving out of the parking lot, my car died. AGAIN.
- I called Tom to see if he'd come get me. Stevie got me first. Tom and Stevie got into a bicker war, which is completely my fault. Cool times.
- I got home and found out my car has a warranty, but I might be outside of it, because I somehow managed to drive 24 thousand miles in a year. I didn't even fucking go anywhere exciting. How did I manage that? There's still hope that I'm wrong about the amount of miles that were on the car, so that may not be wholly bad.
- Allen and I were eating dinner together and happily watching Star Trek when I get a text from The Swede, which promptly put me in a foul (read: upset to the point of tears) mood. It would have just been easier if he had stayed gone. I don't know how many times in my life I can say that and mean it before my heart breaks completely.
This is not to say that I am so broken up over The Swede and what he said that it's going to ruin me forever. Quite the contrary. I literally cried a few tears, and while I'm upset and disappointed, I'm going to be fine tomorrow. Do I feel foolish for believing the things he said to me the night before he disappeared? Of course I do. Anybody would. Then again, taking people at face value has always been my problem. I've always run under the assumption that because I wouldn't treat people a certain way, that they'd do me the courtesy So rarely is that the case. Such a shame, really. Maybe one day I'll be right.
I talked to my mom about this the other night. My mom thinks I'm a sex addict, and she's not the only person who thinks that. However, I don't speak about my growing understanding of my pathology, because I don't think I'm ready to discuss all of it at once yet. She did say that I need to go out of my way to not fuck anybody for a long, long time. She said I've let my sexuality define me, and that's not something anybody should ever do, especially somebody like me who has so much more to offer than that, and sex should be the least exciting thing about me. It's difficult to get into that mindset, honestly.
Monday, December 16, 2013
It's only for forever; it's not long at all.
I've slept more in the last four days than I think I have since the semester started. None of the front desk staff is at work today. Monica, Sara, and myself are all out of commission. I chatted with Holly a little bit today, since she's covering for us. This is the first time none of us have been there.
I think, the second I feel well enough to not just sit up for a few minutes at a time, but can stand, as well, I'm going to suck it up and get my hairs cut. I'm thinking of cutting everything at shoulder length and going with a bob. That may be delirium talking, however.
I've been having strange fever dreams. Some of them have been scary, a few of them have been lovely, and one or two have been so sad I've woken up crying out loud. Those ones are the worst.
I awoke this morning to pictures of bunnies sticking out their tongues, and puns for English nerds. The puns made me laugh so hard I couldn't stop coughing. Oh, puns. Don't let anybody make you think you're the lowest form of wit EVER. You do delight me so.
I was watching Rifftrax today, and Chris stopped by to check up on me. Well, sort of. He needed something that I had, but we'll say he did it to be a good friend. I accidentally coined the term "glitterature". I told him that I either did something so horrible to The Swede that he doesn't care about the stuff of his that I have, or he's possibly literally dead. Either way, I'm sad and disappointed. Nursing the wound continues.
I talked to my dad today. He's going to see The Hobbit. I want to go see it, too, but again, this pesky inability of mine to actually function as an adult in any position other than prostrate is keeping me from it. Maybe later this week.
How can one person be this tired? I feel like the world is crushing my chest in.
I think, the second I feel well enough to not just sit up for a few minutes at a time, but can stand, as well, I'm going to suck it up and get my hairs cut. I'm thinking of cutting everything at shoulder length and going with a bob. That may be delirium talking, however.
I've been having strange fever dreams. Some of them have been scary, a few of them have been lovely, and one or two have been so sad I've woken up crying out loud. Those ones are the worst.
I awoke this morning to pictures of bunnies sticking out their tongues, and puns for English nerds. The puns made me laugh so hard I couldn't stop coughing. Oh, puns. Don't let anybody make you think you're the lowest form of wit EVER. You do delight me so.
I was watching Rifftrax today, and Chris stopped by to check up on me. Well, sort of. He needed something that I had, but we'll say he did it to be a good friend. I accidentally coined the term "glitterature". I told him that I either did something so horrible to The Swede that he doesn't care about the stuff of his that I have, or he's possibly literally dead. Either way, I'm sad and disappointed. Nursing the wound continues.
I talked to my dad today. He's going to see The Hobbit. I want to go see it, too, but again, this pesky inability of mine to actually function as an adult in any position other than prostrate is keeping me from it. Maybe later this week.
How can one person be this tired? I feel like the world is crushing my chest in.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Run away with me. Experience something new.
Welp.
I spent today sleeping until 11:30. Did I feel better? Not even a little bit.
I am pretty sure I've been keeping the Florida Orange groves financially afloat with how much OJ I've purchased and subsequently drunk over the last two days (we're going two gallons strong here. I feel like my kidneys want to object, but fuck them).
I had my final quiz and exam due tonight by midnight (my business final was three different things. Ew). So, what did I do? I slept all fucking day, like a responsible adult. I woke up at 8 feeling addled, weak, and with the driest mouth EVER. I pissed about for a little bit, just being generally moan-y, and I finally read my last 40 pages and took my quiz and exam. The results? Not good. A 75 on my quiz, and a 71 on my exam.
Am I proud of that? No. The LOWEST score I ever got on a quiz was a 75 (though it should have been an 80. MY professor is just stubborn), and the lowest score I got on an exam was a 90. Yes, I could blame my lack of desire to read and do everything, but I am instead going to blame my cold. Which really is doing a number on me. I'm pretty sure I actually have the flu.
My mom and I were texting earlier, and I told her that being sick is the time when I wish I had a lap to curl into that belongs to someone who gives a fuck about me. She said I'm very strange, and then sent me a picture of her Christmas tree.
I'm deeply unhappy about having to go to work tomorrow. I may call off on Monday if this hasn't cleared up. I can't taste or smell or hear really anything at all. I feel like an old person.
I have one last final to finish tomorrow before 5. IT's a writing final, which should be just gravy for me. I'm not terribly worried about it.
I managed a B in philosophy, which surprises me greatly. Even with tonight's horrific display, I'm pretty sure I still got an A in my business class. My other class grades have to wait until next Thursday when they're released.
I'm about to medicate myself again so I can be functional for work tomorrow. Gross. I don't wanna.
I want a lap. And a rub.
I spent today sleeping until 11:30. Did I feel better? Not even a little bit.
I am pretty sure I've been keeping the Florida Orange groves financially afloat with how much OJ I've purchased and subsequently drunk over the last two days (we're going two gallons strong here. I feel like my kidneys want to object, but fuck them).
I had my final quiz and exam due tonight by midnight (my business final was three different things. Ew). So, what did I do? I slept all fucking day, like a responsible adult. I woke up at 8 feeling addled, weak, and with the driest mouth EVER. I pissed about for a little bit, just being generally moan-y, and I finally read my last 40 pages and took my quiz and exam. The results? Not good. A 75 on my quiz, and a 71 on my exam.
Am I proud of that? No. The LOWEST score I ever got on a quiz was a 75 (though it should have been an 80. MY professor is just stubborn), and the lowest score I got on an exam was a 90. Yes, I could blame my lack of desire to read and do everything, but I am instead going to blame my cold. Which really is doing a number on me. I'm pretty sure I actually have the flu.
My mom and I were texting earlier, and I told her that being sick is the time when I wish I had a lap to curl into that belongs to someone who gives a fuck about me. She said I'm very strange, and then sent me a picture of her Christmas tree.
I'm deeply unhappy about having to go to work tomorrow. I may call off on Monday if this hasn't cleared up. I can't taste or smell or hear really anything at all. I feel like an old person.
I have one last final to finish tomorrow before 5. IT's a writing final, which should be just gravy for me. I'm not terribly worried about it.
I managed a B in philosophy, which surprises me greatly. Even with tonight's horrific display, I'm pretty sure I still got an A in my business class. My other class grades have to wait until next Thursday when they're released.
I'm about to medicate myself again so I can be functional for work tomorrow. Gross. I don't wanna.
I want a lap. And a rub.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Hey, it's nice to meet you, I am missus self destruct.
So, I'm pretty sure I fucking killed my philosophy final. Hard. I want to write all about it, but I'll have to save that for tomorrow.
I went and bought myself some soup from Bhan Thai, because it is delicious and soup is the go to when you have the flu. I ate half of it, and now I feel heavy and slightly nauseous. Which may be because I've had nearly half a gallon of orange juice today.
I have one last final to do. I cannot concentrate on the reading material any more. I'm going to medicate myself (Xanax, you're my best friend!) and pass the fuck out for hopefully more than 12 hours. I have until midnight tomorrow to finish it, so I will meet it with a less heavy head tomorrow.
For now, good fucking night Irene.
I went and bought myself some soup from Bhan Thai, because it is delicious and soup is the go to when you have the flu. I ate half of it, and now I feel heavy and slightly nauseous. Which may be because I've had nearly half a gallon of orange juice today.
I have one last final to do. I cannot concentrate on the reading material any more. I'm going to medicate myself (Xanax, you're my best friend!) and pass the fuck out for hopefully more than 12 hours. I have until midnight tomorrow to finish it, so I will meet it with a less heavy head tomorrow.
For now, good fucking night Irene.
Dualism and you: a horror story of epic proportions
So, here's the deal.
I rejoined my gym two days ago. I didn't go yesterday or today, because I'm ill and I don't think they want my germs. I also don't know if my mucous-caked lungs could take it.
But if I feel better tomorrow, I'm going. Not running has been, oddly, miserable for me. I hate the inactivity that breaking my toe brought on. I did go running a week ago, which was delightful, but it's been so cold that the gym just seems like a safer bet.
I'm going to post this, much to my dismay:
Yuck. I'm not pleased that that is me. But I'm going to go to the gym at least five times a week, and do what I was doing before, and we'll see where we're at in two months. Well, where I'M at.
I'm trying so hard to study for this final, but my brain refuses to concentrate or retain anything. I fucking hate being sick.
I grabbed myself some Mucinex Severe Congestion and Cough, and I'm hoping it kicks in sooner rather than later. I'm taking off of work tomorrow, because I don't think I'll be able to function. Aside from my brain feeling pretty much like eggs that have been thrown into a car accident. my body feels three minutes away from broken. I have the very real feeling that once I'm done with my final tonight, I'm going to go into full on sickness mode. I'm being as tough as I can, because I know I have to be.
I hope I feel better tomorrow. I can't wait to get back to the gym, and not feel like roadkill.
I rejoined my gym two days ago. I didn't go yesterday or today, because I'm ill and I don't think they want my germs. I also don't know if my mucous-caked lungs could take it.
But if I feel better tomorrow, I'm going. Not running has been, oddly, miserable for me. I hate the inactivity that breaking my toe brought on. I did go running a week ago, which was delightful, but it's been so cold that the gym just seems like a safer bet.
I'm going to post this, much to my dismay:
I'm trying so hard to study for this final, but my brain refuses to concentrate or retain anything. I fucking hate being sick.
I grabbed myself some Mucinex Severe Congestion and Cough, and I'm hoping it kicks in sooner rather than later. I'm taking off of work tomorrow, because I don't think I'll be able to function. Aside from my brain feeling pretty much like eggs that have been thrown into a car accident. my body feels three minutes away from broken. I have the very real feeling that once I'm done with my final tonight, I'm going to go into full on sickness mode. I'm being as tough as I can, because I know I have to be.
I hope I feel better tomorrow. I can't wait to get back to the gym, and not feel like roadkill.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Bonus Entry
Mother fucker.
I am getting sick. And it's going to be a bad one, I can tell. I have run myself so ragged for weeks and weeks and weeks, and now it's all catching up with me. I hope it can hold off until Friday night. But I don't think it will.
I noticed myself feeling oddly heavy and sleepy, so I took a small nap. I just woke up (a small nap turned into an hour), and my chest feels like it's made of lead, I can't stop coughing and it HURTS, my nose is stuffed, and my eyes hurt. I have a feeling it's only going to get worse.
Shit.
I need a rub and a blanket and a cup of tea.
I think I'm going to watch some Psych and go to sleep.
I am getting sick. And it's going to be a bad one, I can tell. I have run myself so ragged for weeks and weeks and weeks, and now it's all catching up with me. I hope it can hold off until Friday night. But I don't think it will.
I noticed myself feeling oddly heavy and sleepy, so I took a small nap. I just woke up (a small nap turned into an hour), and my chest feels like it's made of lead, I can't stop coughing and it HURTS, my nose is stuffed, and my eyes hurt. I have a feeling it's only going to get worse.
Shit.
I need a rub and a blanket and a cup of tea.
I think I'm going to watch some Psych and go to sleep.
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