We drove the hour from Lahaina to Paia, the little town that's kind of the entry way to the Hana excursion. We got there at about 7:30, and the bleak weather did not stop the droves of tourists milling about the town. We made it to Twin Falls early enough that we were able to snag a parking space. We grabbed our gear and hiked in. It was wet and drippy and the light was all wrong for what I wanted, but I took some shots of the bamboo forests, anyway.
I won't lie, I am very disappointed with them. I got this great shot of bamboo in a bayou in Louisiana, and I have been chasing that aesthetic for all of my bamboo shots ever since. I can never appreciate them for what they are, I always compare them to that shot, and they always fall short.
People had carved just about every inch of all of the bamboo. It made me sad, but Derek loved it.
The hike to the base of Twin Falls is pretty steady and uneventful, but it was quite fucking moist out, and it didn't make the hike down the rocks to the first set of falls very easy.
I would say this shot wasn't even worth the effort, but I made the effort god dammit, so the shot is going up. Pretty obvious that it had been pouring out, the falls aren't normally that intense. Derek got a better shot of the falls a little down the way, but I don't have access to that shot. You CAN go up further on the rocks, but the sheen on them doesn't do justice to how very slippery they were, and I didn't feel like falling and breaking my god damn face that early in the morning. I had read that the really real falls were a short climb up the rocks, but that just wasn't in the cards. We hopped back in the car and made our way further than we had the days prior.
One of the things the app was all too pleased to point out was the ingenuity of the people who diverted the water, heralding them as masters of engineering, and regaling us listeners with descriptions of their brave exploits to dig these ditches where they were. The app completely glosses over that they were effectively robbing Hawaiians of their water in order to grow crops on land they stole, but you know. Can't be right all the time, I guess. The drainage areas were pretty in their own right, though. If you ignore the implications of their existence, they're lovely.
I really do love the bridges on the highway. They have the year they were built on a lot of them, but mostly, they just look cool. They remind me a lot of the overall appearance of St. Augustine. Weathered and beaten down, but still statuesque and entirely unnecessary.
Hana Highway has so many fucking waterfalls, I lost track. I meant to geotag them on my camera so I could accurately name each one, but I am a fucking failure of epic proportion.
That being said, I'm a failure that gets in good with the local wildlife. Check out the most handsome friend I made:
I have plans to make that photo pop, but I legitimately have 2k photos to pick and choose through so I can upload them here with details about the trip before I forget them. And I want to have it all done before Gabriel gets here so I can clean up his room and deep clean the house before he and his grandpa arrive. My house is clean right now, but I feel like having Allen's dad here means I've got to be presenting the best version of everything. I'm not sure why.
We moved on from that waterfall and chicken/rooster area and came to another one of the white man's genius water ditches. This one was proper hidden from view, though. We really had to earn the shots of it we got.
See? You can barely see it. You can see this dark cut out in the face of the wall, but other than that, you can't see what's going on beneath it. Derek was curious, and I'm so fucking glad he was, because admittedly the colonizers made something that looks real god damn neat.
Look at my husband, doing the fucking most to get the shot. But he didn't do as much as I did (well, hang on. I didn't stand on the railing of the bridge like he did, and ladies and gentleman, that is no small distance down if he had fallen). I made the slippery hike to the very edge of the ditch and did the dirty work of meandering down the wall a bit, hoping to whatever benevolence was in the universe that I didn't drop my camera down the embankment. I think the effort more than paid off.
It reminds me of Watkins Glen, but smaller. I will never tell the Wutang Secret of how I managed this shot, but it was an ordeal. I will disclose that much. I almost lost my camera, and I almost fell down the wall. I didn't, and I got a good shot out of it, but it was a hairy situation for sure.
I noticed this lovely little leaf I think it's some kind of colocasia, but I can't be sure at all. I know there's a plant that mimics that same look, but I can't fucking remember the name. I didn't have the macro on me because of COURSE it was in the car in my bag, but I tried for a close up shot with my wide, and I'm not mad at the result. Nothing special, but I liked it.
THIS, on the other hand, had me dead to fucking rights.
This probably looks like nothing at all, and you may be wondering why I took this picture. But the perspective to me looked like a bunch of really fucking tiny people standing on the railing, trying to peek over another railing that's too tall for them on their wee little legs. I was cackling in the car while Derek was out taking his photos.
We drove back through Kaenae, because we wanted to take another stab at the biggest lookout. For me, the upward mobility of my photographic success was zero. Derek may have been more successful, but I won't know until he gets a chance to look through his photos.
Here he is, taking what I assume is some approximation of this shot that I took later on:
It's boring, but I'm pleased to have a well exposed view of the undulating cliff edges.
After you get back on Hana Highway proper, there's a spot where you can properly look over the Kaenae peninsula to see all of the kalo patches. They are unviewable in this photo for the most part, because my vanity will not allow me to post the overexposed shot I DID get of them.
Derek was kinda peckish, and I had been telling him he needed to get some Kalua pork, so we stopped at this little food truck so he could try some.
I asked him right now how he felt about the kalua pork tacos he got from Uncle Harry's, and he said "quite delicious", so that settles that.
The next spot we hit was Three Bears falls, so named because there is a big one, a medium one, and a tiny one all next to each other. The bridge across that area was my favorite one.
How can you not love that?
Here's Three Bears. I really was hoping I could pull off something moody and intense, but instead I just got these:
The diffuse lighting due to shit weather doesn't make it obvious, but these were taken at about 11 in the morning. There had been so much rain that the cliffsides were turning into waterfalls themselves.
Here's a better view of the entirety of Three Bears ravine:
I had to stand on the very edge of this little rocky bump out to get that shot.
Of course, not to be outdone, Derek had to be extra as fuck when he took his photos:
What a fucking overachiever.
The next place we stopped at was, I believe, where we turned around for the day. I can't remember the name of the actual park as it became known as "Titty Shaka Park" because of the Rolling Death Maui sticker I saw on the back of a Yield sign. I knew Derek would go apeshit for it, but he hadn't gotten out to photograph the waterfall at this park because it was pouring. I had a lens hood on, but there's still a lot of water droplets on my lens.
I couldn't decide which photo I liked of each angle. Believe me when I say I have six more of each angle.
I was wrong before when I said we turned around for the day at Titty Shaka Park. We kept going through to Nahiku, stopping for a bit of lunch, and it turned out to be a very eventful stop as Derek got stung by a very large bee or wasp, we are unsure. Derek said he pulled a stinger out, and as far as I know, wasps don't lose their stingers. But wasps DO love being around meat, and there was a fuckton of meat being grilled at the food stop in Nahiku. Derek was getting himself some grilled chicken and ribs when he swatted at a bug feeling on his neck. He still has a large welt with a dead spot in the middle on the nape of his neck. It got really swollen, and he said it really hurt, and I was really worried he was going to have an allergic reaction to the sting. But it was all good. I had some smoked fish in a bowl with a splash of lime juice, and it was quite fucking bland.
I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Before we hit Nahiku, we came upon this just stupid beautiful little valley full of waterfalls.
What you can't see is the way down to the waterfalls that I would have traveled down in a heartbeat if it hadn't been a mudslide. I would have broken something if I had done it, and as much as I wanted down for a better view of that secret little dude in the back right, it wasn't worth my camera. Or a broken leg.
This is the view outward from the waterfall valley. It was so lovely. I know it doesn't translate, but I had to try.
So in Nahiku, Derek got stung by a bee, I got a very bland lunch, and I got a few photos of the coconut candy vendor's stall.
I really wanted to try his coconut candy. It smelled so good, and I had heard that coconut candy was divinity, but due to no sugar, I did not.
Nahiku wasn't our turn around point. We were pretty close to the lava tube, and I had been absolutely aching to get some shots of that. The lava tube was our last stop of the day, and I was cranky and tired and Derek and I got into an argument that culminated in me not viewing the rest of the tubes because I didn't want to be around such an uppity, arrogant shit smear. Which happens. We're married. We were arguing because I left my bag in the car and only brought my tripod and wide angle, leaving the flash behind. Derek couldn't believe I had forgotten the flash when we were going to be in such a low light situation (which is a fair thing to be flabbergasted by. As I have mentioned many a time, I am a forgetful asshole almost always. Adderall helps, but only so much), so I went and grabbed the bag. When I returned, I asked for the ten stop and the flash, and there was a miscommunication somewhere, because Derek wanted the flash and I didn't hear him ask for it, I wanted to try something with the flash and the ten stop but it was pissing him off because he said that the ten stop and the flash canceled each other out and what I was doing didn't make any sense, and it all ended with me being fucking pissed about Derek talking down to me without thinking that maybe I had an aesthetic in mind with my set up, and also that he could suck my butt. I went and sat in the car for the rest of the 45 minutes or so that he explored the cavern. While I do enjoy exploring caverns, I also enjoy not feeling claustrophobic, so when all was said and done, I wasn't THAT upset to not see the rest of the tube. AND, I got the shot I wanted EXACTLY how I wanted it.
Now it really was time to drive back, though. Derek and I argued for like, thirty minutes, we got over it, and enjoyed the golden-y light spilling all through the nooks and crannies of the drive.
There was a little bump off...Hana Highway is full of them, so my noting them should never be a surprise, and it will never pinpoint us to any specific area of the drive...that we stopped at on the way back because I wanted to try and get a photo of the crisscrossed edges of the canopy. I didn't do a very good job, but in fairness, I do remember Derek and I having a conversation about us not being able to make the view translate. It didn't make it any less amazing to view, though.
Seriously, I do know that these are lackluster, there's nothing terribly interesting about them, and the photo just doesn't capture how warm the late afternoon was, and how silky gold all of the green looked. It was like a fuckload of treasure just hanging out in the wilderness. I wish it translated. I really fucking do. Derek had to take his turn up at the top of the bump out (which, like all of them, had a real fucking nasty drop. Getting onto the areas where I took a lot of my pictures really curled my vagina sideways), so I decided to play around with the macro lens and get into the small of Hana Highway. I found a tiny little grasshopper thing that I photographed completely out of focus, a lot of little spiders that I also photographed completely out of focus, and then I found a single water droplet resting on the kinds of ferns where if you touch them, they fold in on themselves. I couldn't hold my camera steady enough, so Derek grabbed my tripod for me, and I captured these:
Just one perfect little drop of water in the weeds on the side of a bump out in Maui, but it was so pretty to me. I was getting frustrated because I couldn't get the shot right, Derek gave me a pointer, and then I just leaned in to cranking my ISO so I could get a deeper DOF. I can't say I'm all too unhappy with the result. I quite love them, honestly. The first one is one I did by hand, without the tripod. It's the steadiest macro I've ever gotten without the stabilizing assistance of a tripod, and I am quite chuffed over it. I shoot with my weak arm, and as much as I carry my camera, it is still heavy and bulky to hold, and I still shake quite a bit. The second photo is with the tripod.
I had read that Maui was the island for spectacular sunsets, and so far, the sunsets had been lovely, but nothing I hadn't seen rivaled here at home, or in Colorado. The drive home on this day was a truly lovely sunset, though. Unfortunately, we were on the long stretch of road from Hana Highway to Lahaina, and we couldn't really stop to photograph the splendor, so I had to make due through the windshield.
There are two pull offs on the side of this highway where you can look out over the ocean. Perfect for sunset. Derek asked if I wanted to stop, but I said no, because I was dirty and hungry and I was ready to be done for the day. So I grabbed these (plus a shitload of shots on my cell phone that are not worth putting in here because they are essentially those two photographs from different angles in the car with varying windshield haze and visible car parts) and made do.
We ended up at Maui Brewery that night for dinner before going back to the hotel.
Look here.
I am not the kind of person that's going to shit all over a brewery charging brewery prices for food that is not brewery food. You want to boast yourself as a gastro pub, fuckin' have at it. But god damn deliver, mother fuckers. The food at Maui Brewery was fucking AWFUL. Seriously upsetting. Derek ordered two different beers, and they were both surprisingly lovely (I hate beer, as many historians have said. But I would have had one of each of those beers. He ordered the Imperial Coconut Porter first, and then he ordered something else that he cannot remember and I cannot remember, but we both remember it being delicious), but the food for real. Fucking gross.
Here's the selection they offered. Nobody is here to dump on the brewery part of the brewery.
Derek ordered the Moco Loco, and he seemed to enjoy his meal. The portion looked right for the price, the quality was good enough that he ate all of it, Derek wasn't bothered by his offering. I, however, was very fucking bothered by my offering.
Now. I have a really really really REALLY strict diet. Because I spend a lot of time sitting in class or sitting in my office doing homework, I have my keto plan set to sedentary, and my dietary breakdown for the day is as follows:
20g net carbs
97g fat
78g protein
1257 calories
As long as I stay within those parameters, I've done a good job for the day. I don't always hit them, and I tend to go most over my calories by one or two hundred, but it's alright. Because I also have huge bouts of activity from going adventuring, or swimming, or biking to and from school, my macro tracker is connected to my Garmin and it tells me when I've burned a fuckton of calories and I need to compensate for what I've burned versus what I've eaten and what I need to eat to keep fueling my body and not keeling over. I was deeply under everything when we got to Maui Brewery. Maybe -39g carbs and -1450 calories, so I had a lot of space to play with, but I also learned from Cane and Canoe that I can't trust places to not have sneaky sugar. I ordered a salad with tuna and then I added shrimp to it so I could get caught up on my protein. Here is what I ordered:
I was supposed to be happy about that salad, but let me fill you in on why that wasn't happening.
First, that tuna was maybe five pieces, thinkly sliced, and it was lukewarm and broken. Nobody wants to eat warm, broken tuna. Those tomatoes were also warm, and I also asked for them to not be on my salad because I can't eat them, and yet there they are, three fat, warm tomatoes taking up a shitload of salad real estate. The shrimp were ALSO warm, and perhaps half an ounce of them, and that half an ounce of shrimp cost 5 extra dollars. The goat cheese, a furikake concoction from a local goat cheesery, was the best part of the salad. I don't have a single negative thing to say about the goat cheese. Moving on to the egg, which was sliced, but not all the way through, and covered in paprika, was an afterthought. The avocado was the three tiny little slivers, very thin, very nothing. Two tiny slices of radish, and then the actual greens themselves. They were hailed as local, which is great and exactly how I wanted to eat, but there was MAYBE a half ounce of greens. That bowl the salad is served in? Barely even an inch deep.
This was a 22 dollar salad.
I was so fucking upset with the salad because I could have paid 22 dollars to go fuck myself on my own time and saved myself the heartache of being presented this fucking madness. I wanted to complain. I really fucking did. I came awfully close to saying the salad was a fucking disappointment, they need to take it off the menu or scale down the price while adding more greens. I came close to complaining that the dude who served the salad to me had his fucking fingers all up in my bowl and that's just not very hygienic, don't put your god damn fingers in my food holder. I didn't, though. Because I hate complaining. Derek always complains on my behalf and I always feel so bad because I don't want to make anybody feel bad, or make anybody angry, or give anybody a reason to spit in my next meal, or my next drink. I just want people to be pleased they served me and think I'm a nice person. I kept my mouth shut, and resigned myself to never ever ever ever EVER fucking returning to Maui Brewery. I fucking miss Phantom Canyon.
And that was our day. We went back to the villa and watched Good Omens, resigning ourselves to not waking up balls early to do the snorkel trip to Molokini, which ended up working out because it fucking poured like crazy the next day.
No comments:
Post a Comment