Hey! You! Yeah! Get fucked!

Something really, really sad happened to me today.

I can't talk about it in depth, because that will probably make it worse, but it's fucking killing me.

I haven't felt this horrible, this sorry for myself, and this sad in a year and a half, and I don't know how to deal with being me right now.

I wish I could write about it here, but this is all I can do.

People are terrible. They are awful, and selfish, and incomprehensibly cruel. I don't understand why this is, or where it comes from, or how people justify the way behave. I suppose I'll never understand that.

I'm many, many, MANY things. Some of them are intensely negative. However, there are boundaries that even I won't cross. This has been a year of having lines tested for me, and I want to be angry, but I'm not. I'm just....crushed. I don't know how else to describe it.

I want people to think about what they do, and how they treat people, and what their actions do to those around them. Specifically what they do to the people directly involved. If you think there's the slightest chance that the way you behave toward someone could hurt them, don't mother fucking do it.

Don't treat people like they're dispensable, even if you've told them they're not. People aren't stupid. They can tell the difference between you meaning what you say, and you being full of shit.

Don't single people out because you're insecure and ridiculous. The person you're ultimately hurting isn't who you think it is, and while the person you want to hurt gets hurt, too, the collateral damage is far worse than your spite can take note of.

I could keep going, I really could. I don't need to. It would just be nice if I could be treated like a fucking person, and like I matter, and like my addition to a certain life is as huge and meaningful as it is. Being disregarded is the god damn worst.

I still count. Knowing that I don't get a say so in not counting makes me want to fucking weep. Which I have spent a good deal of the afternoon doing. I'm going to go to class, take my quiz, and come back home, because I can't god damn function. I plan on coming home, going for a run, and losing myself in homework.

By the way, fuck you. You're fucking ugly, and full of shit, and I can only fucking hope that the way you treat me comes back to you, you worthless asshole. You've done nothing at all with yourself, despite the things you've done that you think make you better than everybody. You're no different, you're not special, and you are lower, more cruel, and less deserving of the insane amounts of good this world has to offer than anybody I've ever met in my entire life. I very literally hope you fucking die in a fire. Since I know the difference between literally and figuratively, I suggest you start playing with matches in a room full of something highly flammable, and preferably toxic.

Super Sad True Love Story

So, I may have changed an entry. The girl at the computer was replaced with:

The girl at her computer was too small a file, and when my computer wiped itself out last semester, that file went with it. This left me unable to resize it.

I don't mind. Entering isn't about winning (clearly, because I looked at last year's entries, and I'm not even in the same category as the winners), it was about doing it.

Now I can go make dinner. I've been fucking with my entries for over an hour.

Packing my belongings, and it's off into the evening.

A brief entry...

Well, brief-ish. I tend to have plans on staying small, and then I just talk a whole fucking lot. Probably because I have a lot of friends.

Anyway, Derek told me about Son'y photography contest, and I decided...fuck it. I'll enter. I don't think I stand a chance of winning (I've viewed some of the entries, and holy shit....they're stunning), but I'm going to enter, anyway. With these three photos:

These are three of my very favorite photos.

This one gets an honorable mention, and I may enter this in the place of one of the others:

I love this photo, too. But I'm not sure if I like it more than the murder truck. Allen thinks the murder truck is the safer bet, and I think he may be right.

These extensions are driving me absolutely bonkers. As much as I love Melissa, I don't think she did a very good job putting these in, so I'm going to have to text her about it tonight.

I'm actually going to COOK tonight, which is an amazing accomplishment. I haven''t cooked anything other than pancakes in an extremely long time. I'm making chicken stuffed with cheese and broccoli, mashed red potatoes (from scratch, thank you very much. None of that boxed shit today!), and corn on the cob. Plus, I bought a gorgeous loaf of french bread. Mostly because I am currently having a relationship with carbs. Instead of being a crazy cat lady as a single woman, I'm a relatively sane bread lady. And I'm alright with this.

Taste the sweetness of apples grown in Washington state

So, four hours of driving through absolutely awful rain proved a very few photos worth of fruitful.

I'm greatly disappointed. It was kind of a waste of a weekend.

Balls.

I'm killing every second 'til it saves my soul

It's disappointingly overcast out in Glenwood today. The drive up yesterday was gorgeous, and I only stopped once in Vail to get some pictures. It was supposed to be nice today, but uh...weather doesn't care.

The colors were beautiful in Lightroom, and it was fun to change them from orange to yellow (as demonstrated). I may or may not have sat in my hotel room with a bottle of rum all night, playing music and watching movies. It was kind of awesome. I just came back from downstairs, where breakfast was mostly a disappointment, HOWEVER, I did get to make myself a waffle! And I do love waffles.

I'm off to Rifle for now, and then to Crystal, where hopefully the ugly ass weather works for me instead of against me. We'll see. I'm not terribly hopeful at this point.

I'm fucking DRUNK.

I can't concentrate on my homework. I'm not quite sure how I feel right now, other than drunk, and unable to concentrate.

I think I might feel lonely and sad. Maybe. Probably. Yes, actually.

Today was a good day, but I don't have the mental capacity to write about it. I'll write about it tomorrow.

I need to stop trying to write this paper. I'm fairly positive it sounds fucking ridiculous.

Bring me another mai tai!

You know what's not awesome? Having a stomach bug yesterday.

I was completely out of commission, and today is only marginally better. My professor actually sent me home from class, so I must look AWESOME.

I can catch up on all of the stuff I didn't get done yesterday, and then later, I can go get all of my fake hairs. Oh boy.