Hey! You! Yeah! Get fucked!

Something really, really sad happened to me today.

I can't talk about it in depth, because that will probably make it worse, but it's fucking killing me.

I haven't felt this horrible, this sorry for myself, and this sad in a year and a half, and I don't know how to deal with being me right now.

I wish I could write about it here, but this is all I can do.

People are terrible. They are awful, and selfish, and incomprehensibly cruel. I don't understand why this is, or where it comes from, or how people justify the way behave. I suppose I'll never understand that.

I'm many, many, MANY things. Some of them are intensely negative. However, there are boundaries that even I won't cross. This has been a year of having lines tested for me, and I want to be angry, but I'm not. I'm just....crushed. I don't know how else to describe it.

I want people to think about what they do, and how they treat people, and what their actions do to those around them. Specifically what they do to the people directly involved. If you think there's the slightest chance that the way you behave toward someone could hurt them, don't mother fucking do it.

Don't treat people like they're dispensable, even if you've told them they're not. People aren't stupid. They can tell the difference between you meaning what you say, and you being full of shit.

Don't single people out because you're insecure and ridiculous. The person you're ultimately hurting isn't who you think it is, and while the person you want to hurt gets hurt, too, the collateral damage is far worse than your spite can take note of.

I could keep going, I really could. I don't need to. It would just be nice if I could be treated like a fucking person, and like I matter, and like my addition to a certain life is as huge and meaningful as it is. Being disregarded is the god damn worst.

I still count. Knowing that I don't get a say so in not counting makes me want to fucking weep. Which I have spent a good deal of the afternoon doing. I'm going to go to class, take my quiz, and come back home, because I can't god damn function. I plan on coming home, going for a run, and losing myself in homework.

By the way, fuck you. You're fucking ugly, and full of shit, and I can only fucking hope that the way you treat me comes back to you, you worthless asshole. You've done nothing at all with yourself, despite the things you've done that you think make you better than everybody. You're no different, you're not special, and you are lower, more cruel, and less deserving of the insane amounts of good this world has to offer than anybody I've ever met in my entire life. I very literally hope you fucking die in a fire. Since I know the difference between literally and figuratively, I suggest you start playing with matches in a room full of something highly flammable, and preferably toxic.