What the fuck kind of bullets do you use against existential dread: Santa Fe, Oklahoma City, and Missouri, Day eight, nine, and home

And the day I had been looking most forward to had finally arrived. 

I realized I hadn't taken a photo of my room for the blog, so I took one as I was heading out to Meow Wolf. There it is! La Quinta Inn. Wow.

All I really wanted back when I was planning this trip was to stop in Santa Fe and go to the original Meow Wolf. House of Eternal Return. I woke up way too early, my ticket was for 10:20am, but when it was finally time for me to go, off I went. And I. Was. EXCITED. 

It was WAY busier than this picture makes it look. The parking lot was actually packed, I just hid it really well.

The little cafe at Meow Wolf. I wanted to eat there, but there was nothing for me to eat. I had to grab a photo of it, though. So fucking cute. 

The outside of the house. BIG TIME Real Unreal vibes, but since this is the OG, Real Unreal has big time House of Eternal Return energy. 

I'm not sure how to go about posting the photos from here, because almost all of them I took for me to go back an unravel the mystery a little further. I spent about 5 hours here, and I didn't fully read everything the way I wanted, but there's no real need to post every single photo I took.

It took about 35 minutes to watch all of the videos, read all of the papers in the manilla envelope, and go through the entire journal and folder. 

So you have to earn this code by reading stuff and being curious. One thing that really irks me about Meow Wolf is seeing people just...walk by all of the story? Like there is so much richness and lore in Meow Wolf that is right there for people to investigate, and they just walk right by it without examining it. I will say, I thought this was intentional, initially, but I did make friends with a few people at House of Eternal Return who were flabbergasted when I told them there was a mystery to solve at each location. I can't imagine they're the only ones who were unaware, once they pointed out to me that they just thought this was a fun, zany art installation. I softened my irritation at everyone just walking by while very few people sat and read everything. 

I sat and read everything, though. And I'll tell you, I've never been as moved by writing that is meant to be mysterious as I was by some of the things in the granddad's safe in the study. I was openly weeping as I sat reading the grandfather's journal.

This little passage really and truly struck me. I stared at it for about five minutes, chewing on how true it was.

About here is where I started to lose my ability to not cry my way through the journal. I felt real, honest grief. I actually posted an appreciation post about it on the meow wolf subreddit, because the author or authors should know just how fucking good I thought this was. 

I was an emotional wreck after reading that journal, but I was snapped right out of it by listening to the looped video on Nimsesku. 

That kid stymied my ability to read Piper's journal for at least an hour. Love that, it's meant to be read and enjoyed, but I was also selfishly aggravated. I wanted to read it, dammit!

A hidden door behind the bookcase!

The picture book was missing several images on several pages. I wasn't able to assess if that was intentional by the story artists, or if people walking around Meow Wolf have taken a photo or two over the years as a keepsake. 

So this next room was my second favorite part of the House of Eternal Return. I was also in tears in this room, it was just so fucking GOOD. 

I have videos of all of the videos on display in the trash room, but they aren't uploading. I noticed my two other videos I put in other blogs aren't available, either, so I won't waste time putting them in here. Just trust me that they are exactly the message they needed to be, and I was given a new outlook about things because of them. 

I felt aggravated at people coming in and looking at the room and going WOW! So gorgeous, look at how amazing it all is! And leaving without taking stock of what was being said in that room. Maybe I'm a pretentious cunt for that, who fucking knows, but it was something I felt. 

I tried very hard, but could not bring myself to hit the bones hard enough to make them musical. I felt guilty about it. It's art!

YAWLP SIGHTING!!!!

I have a video of myself playing on the theremin and realizing with horror that it was hurting the plant. You can hear me on the video going, "oh no, I'm making the plant scream!" and then I end the video. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO PLAY COLD LITTLE HEART! Blame Michael Kiwanuka!!

I won fuckin' NOTHING. Thanks for nothing, you fuckin' RAT. 

This was pretty much it for Meow Wolf. I have dozens more photos, literally, but my blog keeps saying it won't post them all and I can suck eggs. Which is rude. 

I went back to Sprouts for a bit of lunch, went back to the hotel, and started working on culling images from my shoots in Vegas. I had my dinner, packed up my shit, and got ready to leave for the next leg of the trip, a one night stay in OKC. 

I woke up the next morning early enough to leisurely have my Red Bull, have my morning poops, and make my way out of town at 7am. There was a fire somewhere nearby when I left, I could smell it. I opted to drive my car to E rather than filling up in Santa Fe, gas was pricey there. I had an eight hour drive ahead of me that was pretty fucking uneventful. 

Oklahoma is the worst state. Honestly. The second I crossed into the state, I felt weird. Like I did not belong. That state has bad fuckin' energy, man, and by the time I got to the hotel, as blasted as I was, I told Derek I kind of wanted to take an hour-ish nap, and then just drive home. My room was gross, the people were gross, everything was gross, AND I was in Oklahoma. Gross. But Derek convinced me to spend the night there and drive home in the morning. 

And upsettingly, I took the advice. 

I got my Jinya in OKC. It was so fucking middling that I didn't even photograph it as I had intended. Oklahoma City wigs me out, I am hoping to never have to return there. I joked that if Rhyann ever asks to go visit OKC to see their brother or their dad and step mom, I'm gonna say no so if there's another accident, Derek and I don't have to go back to OKC to get them. That state sucks. That city sucks. 

I woke up with a severe start at 3:45 the next morning, went to the gas station, got gas and a Red Bull, and fucking bounced. I didn't even wait for sunrise, I just fucking left. At 4am, I made my way home. I am nightblind, so driving in the dark is a gamble, but it was a gamble I was willing to make to get the fuck out of Oklahoma. 

Sunrise was very pretty, though. 

Pretty and foggy. I was so relieved when I crossed over into Missouri. I hate this state, too, but it doesn't feel like Oklahoma. 

And five hours later, I was home. I had such a busy trip, it was overwhelming, and it was over. 

Now we have to get ready to move. Just a few more months left in this state and then off we go to somewhere new!