This morning was kind of an interesting one: we couldn't get an early start because Derek had to do a phone interview at 9am. Normally our vacation days start with alarming fervor at 6 am, but this morning was leisurely. I had coffee, Gabriel had his muffin and banana, Derek had a phone interview, everybody won.
We finally set out at about 10am, and it was decently sunny and nice out. We drove to Akaka Falls, as that's about 3 miles from where we're staying and it made the most sense to go there first.
The drive was so fucking green, but not like, tropical green. Like...like the pasture-y greens of the Midwest. With cows, to match! The park wasn't terribly crowded, but space is still a premium, even on big island, so we parked outside the gate (it wasn't JUST that every space was taken, it was also that parking was 5 dollars and we are too cheap to pay 5 dollars to walk fifteen fewer feet). While we were getting our camera bags packed and making sure we had water and bug spray and everything we needed, we told Gabriel to get his sunscreen on. Given that I am into all of that cruelty free stuff (I may eat animals while I'm on vacation, but I still buy vegan and cruelty free non-edible products. Only some of my vegan sensibilities are wavering), I wanted to make sure our sun screen was cruelty free, vegan, and MOST importantly, reef safe. So we got that good zinc mineral sunscreen, the shit that makes you look like you've got a skin condition because you are never not pale and chalky and you smear onto everything you touch but the white shit STILL doesn't actually go away, you're just cursed with creamy whiteness on your person for fucking EVER. We asked Gabriel to apply his own, and when Derek pops his head out of the car, I hear him exclaim, GABRIEL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
What indeed.
I ended up having to take from his endless well of sunscreen blobs to put on myself, and the rest of his body, and then we STILL had to hose him off with the inside of his shirt just to get enough of it removed so that he didn't look like we were practicing some weird kind of shaming ritual.
Derek and I had a small tiff about something that's irrelevant now, because I can't even remember what it was about, but I huffed down the circle route stairs toward Kahuna Falls first, and I was immediately taken by the view. There was bamboo EVERYWHERE, and the sickly stickiness of a jungle was really heavy.
I was sweating buckets IMMEDIATELY, but Gabriel was pretty full of energy. That seemed like a really good reason to ignore the discomfort of heat and to press onward, particularly because I was still annoyed at Derek and therefore I needed to be at the front of the herd. Down at the very bottom of the trail before it starts circling upwards, there is a huge stream and an even huger banyan tree. Here is Gabriel next to it, for scale:
The trail was really nicely paved and staired, though, so there was no, like, looking for flags tied to trees and wandering aimlessly around.
I set up shop with the tripod after going back up all the stairs and grabbing it from a Derek I had graciously forgiven for whatever transgression he had committed previously, and I won't know until I get home if any of the photos turned out (they did not turn out WELL, but they did turn out). An older gentleman came and asked if we were expecting something to come down stream, I wanted to ask him if he was expecting to live through the coronavirus. Which is harsh, but I felt like his question was stupid, and I am a sociopath.
To these I say, "meh".
We walked up to Kahuna Falls and....were thoroughly disappointed by it.
We threw away the waterfall for not sparking joy.
This isn't a ghost, it's just a zinc covered child.
I laughed inside as everyone stopped by it for two seconds, said something like, "aw cute!" and then left. I did try and grab a photo, but the angle was shit and the weather was taking a nasty turn, and the view was relatively uninspiring. So uninspiring that I don't even think Derek bothered to try getting a shot. He instead got a great shot of a dangling little worm thing.
The loop kept taking us upward to Akaka Falls (so many stairs!), and it was about halfway there that Gabriel discovered anoles and geckos, and he was enthralled by them. He spent the rest of our time in the park looking for anoles and geckos, which was nice, because Derek and I spent a good deal of time trying to get good shots of the falls.
And then it started raining. It started raining and it didn't fucking stop. There were lulls, but it's been pretty god damn constant, and according to the weather (which has historically known itself best), it's going to rain the entire duration of our trip. So the rest of our days should be wet and interesting. Resuming (pause on that resume: it DID rain for the rest of our trip. It only slowed us down, it didn't fully stop us. What DID stop us was coronavirus. More on that later, if I remember?). On the way out of Akaka Falls Park, we stopped in the rain to admire a smaller fall. We only had about four minutes there before the rain got too heavy to stick around, so all I got was one mediocre shot (spoiler: every single fucking photo I took this trip? Mediocre. At best. The average is mediocre, trending toward the lame and worthless):
Hooray! They're all the same!
After Akaka Falls, in spite of the rain, we drove down to Rainbow Falls and were met with a nice little lull in shitty downpours, so we took advantage.
Which angle is the best angle? It's a trick question! They're ALL fucking terrible!!!
I was trying to scope out all of the interesting angles, I went up the platform a bit and stood behind a guy in a helmet with a longboard, whom I presumed to be enjoying the view. I'm patient, for the most part, especially because I want people to give me my time when I am just holed up in a spot, vying for the best lighting and angle and everything. After about five minutes of waiting, he turns around and says, "are you waiting for me? I'm going to be awhile". So I smiled and I said, "oh, ok! Would you mind if I just snuck into your spot for maybe two minutes? I just want one photo." I am always very quick to admit when I'm being a bitch, and I'm just as quick to say that I'm being nice when I am. I was being SUPER nice to this dude, since you get more of a positive response if you ask sweetly instead of demanding something. So when I say I asked nicely, I very much mean nicely. He turned to me and said, "you don't want to take photos here." I did ,though, so he was wrong. But that didn't stop him from carrying on. "The best view is right there, so climb the fence, that's the shot you want." I just kind of stared at the spot he was looking at, because I had already looked there. I did not want that shot. That shot could eat my butt. I looked at him blankly, and he misunderstood my growing disdain for him as uncertainty about climbing the guard rail. Come on, son. Glad I look so cautious, but uh, I'm actually a reckless idiot, so. He said, "nobody is going to call the cops on you if you climb the fence." I laughed and said, "that's EXACTLY what a cop would say." and he was like, "Yeah, obviously I am a cop." So I said, "you could be undercover?" He was wearing a baggy tshirt, board shorts, and a helmet that was designed to look like...I don't know, a lizard's spiny back? Plus his bitchin' longboard. He switched gears to keep telling me the picture I wanted to take. "Over there, you've got great access to the direct falls, you can see the cave." I stared at him. "No trees in the way." I looked around the area, and I turned my nose up at everything he was suggesting. "You want the photo to look like you're right there, so you can see the water hitting the pool below." And I said, "but that isn't what I want at ALL." And then he got on his longboard and rolled away. So I guess he wasn't going to be there a long time. I felt pretty confident he just wanted to be a pain in my ass, as all I asked for was two minutes to stand there, and then he could have his corner of the viewing podium back. But he rolled out of my life before I could triumphantly take the shot I want and walk away without even "checking out" his suggestion (which I had already done). In the interest of full disclosure....the shot I was interested in trying to take there? Ugh. It was fucking TERRIBLE. Didn't turn out at all. Which is funny to me. Check it:
Which angle is the best angle? It's a trick question! They're ALL fucking terrible!!!
I was trying to scope out all of the interesting angles, I went up the platform a bit and stood behind a guy in a helmet with a longboard, whom I presumed to be enjoying the view. I'm patient, for the most part, especially because I want people to give me my time when I am just holed up in a spot, vying for the best lighting and angle and everything. After about five minutes of waiting, he turns around and says, "are you waiting for me? I'm going to be awhile". So I smiled and I said, "oh, ok! Would you mind if I just snuck into your spot for maybe two minutes? I just want one photo." I am always very quick to admit when I'm being a bitch, and I'm just as quick to say that I'm being nice when I am. I was being SUPER nice to this dude, since you get more of a positive response if you ask sweetly instead of demanding something. So when I say I asked nicely, I very much mean nicely. He turned to me and said, "you don't want to take photos here." I did ,though, so he was wrong. But that didn't stop him from carrying on. "The best view is right there, so climb the fence, that's the shot you want." I just kind of stared at the spot he was looking at, because I had already looked there. I did not want that shot. That shot could eat my butt. I looked at him blankly, and he misunderstood my growing disdain for him as uncertainty about climbing the guard rail. Come on, son. Glad I look so cautious, but uh, I'm actually a reckless idiot, so. He said, "nobody is going to call the cops on you if you climb the fence." I laughed and said, "that's EXACTLY what a cop would say." and he was like, "Yeah, obviously I am a cop." So I said, "you could be undercover?" He was wearing a baggy tshirt, board shorts, and a helmet that was designed to look like...I don't know, a lizard's spiny back? Plus his bitchin' longboard. He switched gears to keep telling me the picture I wanted to take. "Over there, you've got great access to the direct falls, you can see the cave." I stared at him. "No trees in the way." I looked around the area, and I turned my nose up at everything he was suggesting. "You want the photo to look like you're right there, so you can see the water hitting the pool below." And I said, "but that isn't what I want at ALL." And then he got on his longboard and rolled away. So I guess he wasn't going to be there a long time. I felt pretty confident he just wanted to be a pain in my ass, as all I asked for was two minutes to stand there, and then he could have his corner of the viewing podium back. But he rolled out of my life before I could triumphantly take the shot I want and walk away without even "checking out" his suggestion (which I had already done). In the interest of full disclosure....the shot I was interested in trying to take there? Ugh. It was fucking TERRIBLE. Didn't turn out at all. Which is funny to me. Check it:
Hot garbage!
Gabriel and I went to see the boiling pots, but I was thoroughly unimpressed, and we instead walked around the massive banyan trees at the top of the falls.
And then it started POURING. We rushed down the slippery ass steps to the car, jumped in, and then headed back into Hilo proper for lunch at a Thai place that....they put ketchup in their pad thai. The sheer audacity. The proper measurement for what a cardinal fucking sin that is hasn't even been invented yet. Gabriel was being a bit of a pill because he wanted to eat his pizza from Costco, and it was back at the hotel room because he was too stubborn to grab it earlier in the morning. He wanted nothing to do with the Thai food ("Thai food"), so he sat with his head down the entire time we were there. Exhibit A:
Stranger for scale.
Someone else's child for scale. Look for the neon green speck. Had you been there, I would have said, "listen out for the annoying little fucker that can't stop god damn shouting."
And then it started POURING. We rushed down the slippery ass steps to the car, jumped in, and then headed back into Hilo proper for lunch at a Thai place that....they put ketchup in their pad thai. The sheer audacity. The proper measurement for what a cardinal fucking sin that is hasn't even been invented yet. Gabriel was being a bit of a pill because he wanted to eat his pizza from Costco, and it was back at the hotel room because he was too stubborn to grab it earlier in the morning. He wanted nothing to do with the Thai food ("Thai food"), so he sat with his head down the entire time we were there. Exhibit A:
I settled on a red curry that she assured me would have all of the sugar removed from it. I was so intent on making sure there was no extra sugar that I forgot to have the veggies I couldn't eat removed from the dish. So all of the bamboo and the baby corn got wasted.
And in the back is Derek's Ketchup pad thai, an absolute abomination.
The weather that day really was too shitty to do much of anything else, and Gabriel was so pissed off and hungry that we decided to just go back to the hotel and chill out. Gabriel had his pizza, we all had a rest, and when it came time for dinner, Gabriel didn't feel like going with us. He just wanted to sit on his phone, a flavor that would persist for pretty much the duration of the trip.
So Derek and I went to Pineapples in Hilo and told Gabriel we'd bring him something back that we knew he'd eat. Pineapples was alright, a cutesy little outdoor place that served overpriced food that wasn't all that great. I had hoped that, being on an island, there would be plenty of fish dishes for me to eat, and being on big island with all of its great soil, I'd have veggie options galore. Turns out unless I want grass fed beef with a side of coffee, I was going to have to get really creative with what I ate. Even salads were a minefield of sugar and carbs (seriously, food industry, what the literal fuck).
So I had a thing of poke (no sugar added, but had to double check to be sure. Apparently, one can't trust that things just DON'T have sugar in them) and a blackened ("blackened". Come on. Just say "kinda seasoned") salmon salad with a bunch of garbage removed from it.
For those of you playing the home game, those two things cost 40 fucking dollars. Eating the cash would have served me better.
After we ate our less than great food (we did go back to Pineapples one more time, but had an even worse experience. Hashtag first world problems, I know), we headed over to Walmart where I figured I could pick up snacks for all of us, dinner for Gabriel, and any other provisions we might need. But I was way fucking wrong. Walmart was picked god damn clean. Like...bereft of most things. And people were in there just grabbing everything else up. It was a fucking madhouse. Similar to Costco. We ended up grabbing a bowl of microwavable rice, a couple of cans of chicken, and a small can of peas and carrots. We got really lucky we were able to grab those. Lucky enough to find them for a few other nights, anticipating Gabriel's lack of desire to go out and have dinner with us at the end of busy days (which I think, honestly, was a nice little break for all of us. Gabriel got to unwind on his phone in solitude, which he likes, and Derek and I got to unwind together at restaurants, which WE like, even though the food was subpar and the prices were jacked).
We went back to the hotel, made Gabriel his microwaved food (which was bland as fuck...just his tastes! He is not a fan of food with spices. It's like...I do not understand where he comes from regarding his food preferences, but whatever. I don't have to eat it), I tried to blog, and then I got extremely tired and went to bed.
This blog just kinda sat unfinished until today, 3/24/2020. I'm crap at blogging on a schedule. But there it is! Day two on Big Island. Moving on to day three, and I don't even remember what I put in that blog attempt yet. I suppose we will find out together.
No comments:
Post a Comment