I'm 22 days away from my boudoir shoot. Of me. Taken by someone else. Of me.
Have I left anything on here about how much I fucking loathe being in front of a camera? I see photos of myself and I either want to weep, or I give in to temptation and full on weep, complete with bullfrog-like sobs. If I haven't, I'll say it for posterity:
I fucking loathe having my photo taken.
And yet, here we are, 22 days away from having my scantily clad ass photographed all about the thing. I'm simultaneously pleased and displeased. The good news is, this is literally the only photographer in the world I would want to photograph me, including my husband, and I know because she's traveling across the globe to photograph me. I mean, not SPECIFICALLY to photograph me, but I did kind of talk her into altering her plans a little bit to come to Austin instead of Atlanta. Which...I mean...let the lesson here be "it's always a no if you don't ask".
rebelandromance.com
Her photos are fucking gorgeous, and I feel like I'm kind of going to be mean-mugging her brand accidentally. But I trust her, and I'm almost positive I'll love the photos. Anything I hate will be far from her fault, because she's fucking talented and amazing and it is a fucking gift that she's shooting me. But it's also a travesty that she's going to be shooting me.
I asked a few photographers, when I was just getting started, how they went about photographing ugly brides. Not a one of them answered me by saying something along the lines of "you shoot creatively and hope for the best". I got answers about how no brides are ugly, when brides are happy they're just gorgeous, and my favorite, no photographer thinks they have ugly clients.
Look, cunts. I fucking DO. It's unrealistic to think that all of your clients are gorgeous, and it's 100% oh-fucking-kay to be honest, photographer to photographer. You don't want to say that some clients are uglier than others? I fucking get it, it's a shit thing to say out loud. But come the fuck on, statistics don't work that way. You aren't ALL getting gorgeous clients 100% of the time, because, unless I'm just getting the bulk of the ugly ones, people in real life are actually ugly, and money, circumstances, demographics...nothing changes that. High end photographers gets ugly clients just like bargain bin photographers get ugly clients. It's just the way things are, and I don't understand why two photographers can't gripe and dish to each other about how to shoot creatively when you don't have an attractive bride/client.
As I am about to be an uglier client that will be relegated to not being posted on any form of social media, I am wondering if it's a faux pas for me to ask Stormy about this? Or maybe I should ask afterwards? That's kind of a trap. She's such a positive, sunny person, and I am not quite sure I want to ask questions like this of someone who is going to photograph me (though, for what it's worth, the guy who photographed my wedding who said that all brides are gorgeous and lovely and amazing looking didn't think for a second to put us up on their social media pages....gorgeous and lovely and amazing my fucking fat ass).
Do I sound intensely negative? It's because I am. This trash monster is extremely negative and down on herself, and my excitement for Stormy to shoot me is only overshadowed by my horror that I'm her palette. Woof. I am REALLY fucking hoping I don't cry in front of her, as few things are more embarrassing than crying in front of a relative stranger.
In other news, after being a closeted fan of Maroon 5, I've finally found a song of theirs that doesn't completely make me ashamed to admit I enjoy.
I'm fairly sure the only reason I don't find it wholly embarrassing to admit I like this is because it positively REEKS of Seal. In fact, I believe I told Derek (who I caught jamming out to this the other night when I played it for him) that this would sound a thousand times more amazing if Seal did a cover.
I wonder if I'll be embarrassed in five years.
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