Oh my god feet. Real Feet!

Kind of a lame entry, nothing all that important to say. It's the weekend before Gabriel's school starts, so we've been busy getting everything prepared.

Outside of that, here's what's going on:

Gabriel turned 12, I turned 35, I thought I'd be having a panic attack every day about these things, but I don't really give a shit that I'm 35, I feel better than I've felt in years, and that's what counts.

I've been getting ready to dye my hair purple, but a super vibrant purple. Not a dark purple like the first time I put color in my hair. My hair is in kind of rough shape with all of the bleaching, though, so my girlfriend Nicy sent me a video on how to lighten hair and remove color without using bleach, so I went for it. I figured it couldn't hurt.

I was going after getting rid of blue, which is notoriously stubborn to get out of hair. Perhaps on par with red, which really does stay in my hair forever. I had faded to kind of an interesting, sea-foamy green, and I was feeling it, but with Derek coming home, I wanted to look polished. Polished but purple, obviously. I needed to get a new color in my hairs that looked good. I thought about going galaxy, but decided I'm too fucking lazy to do all of that work. Derek wanted me to redo the pink I did when he was off at PP19, but they didn't have the color at my Ultas and I didn't feel like paying for Lime Crime to ship it, so I bout iroiro purple, which comes out looking like this on blonde hair:

It's perfection, and I've heard from so many people now that iroiro stays on longer than Lime Crime, and it's one of the best vegan/cruelty free colors on the market. 

So I set about lifting all of the color out of my hair, and after the first lift, I kind of fell in love with the blonde look. 

I still had some icy green tints going on, but I was really fucking surprised at how effective this bleach free lift had been. This is how my hair looked prior to the lift, literally the day before:

In case you weren't aware, that is an INSANE amount of color removal without the use of bleach. It wasn't perfect, but it was SO fucking good. And my hair was only dry, the integrity wasn't really compromised. I threw a hair mask on and called it good. 

I did my second lift last night, as the idea was to be fully platinum before putting on the purple. Here's the thing....I kind of love the blonde. And I kinda wanna keep it. 

I went blonde once and it was a disaster, and I've stayed away from it ever since. Except I did pretty good with it on my own. And I think I'm going to keep it until at LEAST my birthday party. 

Derek is taking me to Bar Leather Apron, and I'm so fucking excited. Two of my girlfriends are coming, one of Derek's boyfriends that I'm exceptionally fond of is also coming, it's going to be a great night. But I really think the blonde will look better with both of the outfits I have for the evening that I am currently trying to choose between. One is a shockingly tight but super glam and saucy pink bodycon dress with sky high cheetah print stilettos, and the other is a white top with tiny hot pink lips on it paired with a white pencil skirt and petal pink stilettos with white laces on the pointed toes. Both outfits are perfection, and I'll have a hard time choosing between them. While I am already quite tan (the lighting in these photos doesn't do my tan justice in the least, fucking LED bright whites), I plan on getting all the more golden in the two weeks leading up to my shindig, because I can't remember the last time I went out and felt photogenic. It's literally been YEARS. I'm excited. 

In news that is even cuter than I am, I got a new kitten. His name is Battletoad, and he's the cutest.

He's the tiniest, most cuddly little thing! Lili and Floopies are fucking PISSED  at my audacity, bringing home an interloper. Lili still hasn't forgiven me, but Floopies is coming around. He's stopped hissing and started sleeping with me again. Progress. 

And I've saved the best for last.

Gabriel is a super curious kid, and as a 12 year old, he's particularly curious about sexuality, sex in general, the human body, and puberty. Because I grew up with next to no guidance regarding the navigation of this phase of my life other than NO BOYS ALLOWED and ALWAYS WEAR A BRA, it's pretty important to me that I make sure Gabriel doesn't have any unanswered questions about puberty, for boys OR girls. I'm trying to make Gabriel's education as inclusive as possible, making sure he understands the fluidity of gender and of gender expression, teaching him about sexuality being anything but binary, that sex is fun and wonderful but being physically AND emotionally ready to have it is critical. I'm teaching him that safe sex is important, and to always practice it, but that people with STDs don't need to be avoided as friends or sexual partners. That STDs are a hassle, but they are nothing to stigmatize. Periods aren't gross, they're normal, and they can be very difficult for girls who get them, and they can be ESPECIALLY difficult for young trans boys, so to always be caring and never grossed out by anybody bleeding. I'm open about my own period experiences because Gabriel is curious about periods in general, he has so many questions and I will admit that it can be difficult for me, a cis straight leaning woman (though honestly, I think pansexuality is exactly my speed. I am not currently nor have I ever been sexually attracted to anyone other than cis men, but I don't feel like that's an out of the question possibility. If pussy or a feminine penis is on the menu one day, then they're on the menu one day. I don't want to discount sexual options because I'm locked in a label), to feel like I'm doing right by the LGBTQIA+ community, I get so worried I'm saying the wrong things and giving Gabriel bad information unintentionally. If anybody reading this has good recommendations for inclusive, sex positive, medically accurate and non-stigmatizing sex ed resources, please send them to me.

Anyway.

Gabriel has been making puberty comics. I think my kid is a riot, I really do, and I love what an interesting and sometimes severe sense of humor he has. So while I wasn't surprised by his puberty comics, I was definitely delighted. Here they are, so far:









He has a list of other things that happen during puberty, but he's been preoccupied with other things and kinda dropped the ball on finishing them. I'm really hoping he does, because I laughed over these and enjoyed them so very fucking much. I immediately shared them with everybody I know, and they also enjoyed them.

I worry a lot about my abilities as a mom. I have a lot of hang ups about it, mostly because I'm so stuck on thinking I was doing the right thing by my daughter and having that blow up in my face so hard. Things like this comic make me feel really good about some aspects of it. He's approaching what can be a really embarrassing subject with humor and openness, he asks questions, and he isn't all that shocked by anything.

Of course, he can also still act like a widgy little cunt, but I mean, he's 12. I think that comes with the territory. At least that's what I'll tell myself rather than believing it's a reflection of my being a big widgy cunt and that rubbing off on him. Yes. It is most CERTAINLY the former.